


We Race Out On the Desert Plains All Night

by supaprittiest



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-05-25 15:46:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6201292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supaprittiest/pseuds/supaprittiest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Among hundreds of others, here's an alternate ending to 3x07. Lexa lives, Clarke returns to Arkadia, all is right in the world :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

She hadn’t fully expected Lexa to be in her room- surely the Commander would be busy attending other matters. And yet, there was a small sliver of hope that Lexa would be there, so she let herself inside. Quietly looked around the room and noted how undeniably Lexa it was. There were no personal items around the room, but despite that, it still felt warm and welcoming. A part of Lexa that not everyone saw, but it was one of the things that drew Clarke to her. 

 

She saw Lexa come around the corner and felt her heart jump right into her throat. She’d seldom seen her with her hair down, though she was always itching to sketch her like this, to be able to look at it whenever she pleased. Lexa paused upon seeing Clarke in her bedroom, almost as surprised as Clarke was to see her. Clarke bit her lip and straightened a little. 

 

“When do you leave?” Lexa asked, a hint of desperation in her voice as she drew closer. The light filtering through the window caught her hair perfectly. 

 

“Now,” Clarke said, forcing herself to get through this. Lexa nodded, and Clarke walked towards her. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. You have to go back- they’re your people. That’s why I-” she paused, and Clarke felt her heart skip. She met Lexa’s gaze, and she nodded a little. “That’s why you’re you.”

 

“Maybe someday, we’ll owe nothing more to our people,” Clarke said, stepping a little closer. The look in Lexa’s eye was heart breaking- not once had she seen Lexa tear up, and that’s when it occurred to Clarke that Lexa still had strong feelings for her. And despite all that, Lexa still smiled sadly and nodded. 

 

“I hope so,” Lexa agreed. She extended her hand, and if they were going to shake hands, but when Clarke reached out to meet her, she gripped the other girl’s forearm. “May we meet again.” 

 

Clarke looked Lexa in the eye before she leaned in to kiss her. The Commander was startled at first but quickly relaxed into the kiss, reaching up to caress Clarke’s hair. She leaned away just enough to see the dumbfounded expression on Lexa’s face. Their eyes met again and before Clarke could brush away the trail of tears on Lexa’s face, she leaned in for another kiss. This one was more passionate and breathier than the last, and they found themselves swaying gently back and forth as Clarke unfastened Lexa’s shirt with no trouble at all. She’d thought about it enough times to know how it came undone. 

 

They found their way to Lexa’s bed. Lexa sat among the furs and looked up with Clarke with adoring, bright eyes. Clarke knew that doing this would only make it that much more difficult to leave afterwards, but it was impossible to resist when Lexa was looking at her like that. She leaned over Lexa and found her lips again...

 

“We’ll work something out,” Clarke assured as they were getting dressed. “I’ll get Octavia to deliver letters to you.”

 

“That’s too risky,” Lexa protested. “If they contained sensitive information-”

 

“They’d be love letters,” Clarke clarified, grinning. Lexa smiled back. 

 

“They don’t know that. They’d punish you, or Octavia. Help me with my shirt?” Lexa asked, struggling to tie it at the back. “We need a rendezvous point.” 

 

“Remember that place where that pauna attacked us? That’s romantic, right?” Clarke suggested, tying the loose ends together and pressing a gentle kiss to her neck. Lexa turned around and shoved her back playfully. 

 

“Come on, be serious! We only have a few hours to figure everything out,” Lexa reminded her. 

 

“I’ve already got it all figured out, I want to be with you,” Clarke replied, kissing her on the forehead. “And I don’t even care if we meet up next to a rotting gorilla in the dead of the night.”

 

Lexa paused, considering it. 

 

“We’ll meet there tomorrow night, and then we’ll find a better spot, alright?” Lexa explained. 

 

“So soon?” Clarke asked, grinning. 

 

“I have to make sure you’re safe. If you aren’t there at midnight I will have my army-”

 

“Lexa,” Clarke interrupted, before she got carried away. “Would you like to escort me back to Arkadia?”

 

Lexa looked at her with a shy expression, and nodded. 

 

\---

 

“We’re almost there,” Lexa announced as they neared the front of the blockade. “Are you nervous?”

 

“A little,” Clarke admitted. “I’m not sure how they’ll accept my arrival, or even if I’ll be able to command them anymore.”

 

“You saved them Clarke,” Lexa reminded her. “They will not turn their backs on you.”

 

Once they could see Arkadia, they halted their horses. 

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” Clarke whispered, leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss to Lexa’s lips. 

 

“I’ll make sure that the blockade will let you pass. Good luck, Wanheda,” Lexa assured, bowing her head. Clarke smiled stiffly and dismounted her horse. Though she wasn’t fond of the name, it sounded almost endearing on Lexa’s lips, so she let it slide. 

 

\---

 

Surely enough, Clarke was met with a general sense of apprehension, especially from those who saw her escorted by the Commander of their rivals. She sought out any familiar faces in the crowd, and while she knew their names, she hardly recognized many of them. Their faces were sullen and hopeless, and she knew she was to blame for it. 

 

“Clarke,” said an unforgettable voice- her mother’s. Clarke turned her head towards the voice and ran out to hug her mother, an embrace she’d sorely missed while she’d been at Polis. Abby was followed by Kane, who also put his arms around her, and while she’d had her differences with him, she welcomed him as well. Soon, a group so large that Clarke couldn’t see past the first row of heads, was putting their arms around each other in a brilliant display of loyalty that brought tears to Clarke’s eyes. 

 

“Clarke,” said another voice, this one new. The group broke apart to reveal Chancellor Pike. She’d never met him, but she could tell by his authoritative tone and stance that he saw her as a threat. “You think you can just walk in here and everything will go back to the way it was? After you left your people behind for months?” 

 

“Pike, she’s just a kid,” Abby protested. While Clarke appreciated the support, she hated being reduced to “just a kid”. 

 

“She can stay here, don’t get me wrong,” Pike said, as if Clarke wasn’t standing right there. “But don’t let her think that she’ll be able to resume an active leadership role.”

 

For the time being, that was all Clarke could ask for. The rest of the day was spent laying low and catching up with her old friends. This was mostly to get a sense of how things were being operated at Arkadia, and to keep from drawing more attention to herself.

 

\---

 

The next day went by slowly. Clarke was unaccustomed to being at the bottom of the hierarchy among the Skaikru, and while she didn’t mind the simple tasks that she was put to do, she couldn’t help but feel like she had more important things to do. The mindlessness of food preparation and water purification allowed her mind to wander. While physically, she was at Arkadia, her heart was at Polis, and the thought of meeting Lexa that night made the day go by even slower.

 

Finally, the sun set and most of her people were retreating to their bed rolls. Abby had arranged a place for Clarke to sleep in her bunk, which Clarke appreciated. She hadn’t shared a room with her mother since before even landing on the ground, and she missed it. And luckily for her, Abby was a heavy sleeper, so Clarke’s absence wouldn’t be noticed.

 

She sought out Octavia, who had snuck out several times before. Clarke was reluctant to go to her for such a request, since the younger girl had been relatively unaccepting of her relationship with Lexa. 

 

“Octavia, I need your help,” Clarke whispered. Octavia stirred from her sleep and gave her a cold, calculating stare through weary eyes. 

 

“You’re sneaking out already?” Octavia asked incredulously, though there wasn’t any malice in her whisper. “Is that really a good idea?”

 

“Probably not,” Clarke agreed. Octavia grinned as much as her still-swollen face would allow. 

 

“Say no more,” Octavia replied, silent as she got to her feet. She led Clarke to a narrow, dimly lit hallway, and pulled back a section of the wall, ushering her through. “This opens on both sides, but try to be back well before sunrise so that you don’t get caught sneaking back in.” 

 

“Thank you,” Clarke said. “I owe you one.”

 

“Yeah you do,” Octavia retorted. “Now hurry up and go before someone hears you.”

 

Clarke slipped through the gap in the wall and found herself walking through a tunnel that led to outside of the camp. When she emerged, she found herself face to face with the blockade. 

 

She opened her mouth to explain herself to the Grounder soldiers, but they moved aside for her without a word. She bowed her head to them and ran through the gap in the line. How Lexa had gotten them all to be familiar with her face was a mystery to her, but she’d save that question for later. 

 

She arrived shortly before Lexa did, sitting alone in the darkness. The body of the pauna was nowhere to be found, which was unsettling, but she told herself that something likely used it as food. 

 

As usual, she didn’t hear Lexa’s approach, so when she saw the girl walking towards her, she startled for a second before she realized who it was. She jumped to her feet and ran to meet her in a hug, which was met with general enthusiasm by Lexa. 

 

Lexa pulled away first, lifting a hand to Clarke’s hair and searching her face for any sign of injury, then leaning in to kiss her on the forehead. 

 

“I’ve gotten used to having you around,” Lexa commented. “It feels strange without you at Polis.” 

 

“I missed you too,” Clarke replied. “I don’t know how we’re going to keep this up.”

 

“It’s only temporary,” Lexa reminded her calmly. “Once your people dethrone Chancellor Pike, you can return to Polis with me, if you’d like.”

 

“That might take a while,” Clarke said grimly. “I didn’t realize how actively my people supported him. He’s using your people as a scapegoat, blaming mostly you for what transpired at Mount Weather.” 

 

“Are you saying we need to come up with a new plan?” Lexa asked, sounding potentially angry. 

 

“I don’t know,” Clarke admitted. “Give me a bit more time to assess the situation.”

 

“My people will not be happy about that,” Lexa warned. “But, this conversation is in confidence. I won’t tell them the news until you’ve stated your position.”

 

“I don’t like the idea of you keeping secrets from your people,” Clarke said, all too familiar with what happened the last time that Lexa shared secrets. 

 

“We don’t have much of a choice, do we?” Lexa replied. “Come on, let’s talk about something else.”

 

“Okay,” Clarke agreed. “How are things at Polis?”

 

“Tense,” Lexa admitted, starting to walk away from their meeting point. Clarke fell into stride with her. “There are times when I’m so tempted to go back to the way things were, but no one likes change, do they?”

 

“I guess not,” Clarke said. “But years from now, they’ll look back at you and they’ll celebrate your name as the one who brought peace. Isn’t that worth it?”

 

Lexa smiled a little. Clarke slipped her hand into Lexa’s and swung their arms back and forth as they walked. 

 

“So, what kind of romantic place are we looking for?” Clarke asked. “You’re the picky one out of the two of us, so you should decide.”

 

“You’re mistaken,” Lexa commented. “I don’t care where we are, as long as we’re together. However, meeting together where we almost died isn’t exactly ideal.”

 

“I think you’re missing the point,” Clarke said, stopping in her tracks and taking both of Lexa’s hands. “I don’t know about you, but it’s where I first realized that maybe there was something more between us.”

 

“Really? Even when I was so weak?” Lexa asked incredulously. 

 

“ _ Especially  _ because you were so weak,” Clarke replied, kissing her quickly before adding, “it made me realize you were more than just the Commander. That you’re more than just some tough facade and that you’re actually a really tender person.” 

 

“Clarke,” Lexa said, looking down and blushing. “You’re flattering me. But I would prefer if you could choose a different moment.” 

 

“Well, there was also the time when you came into my room wearing that dress- was that on purpose? Because you looked stunning, by the way,” Clarke laughed. “And I thought you were the bravest and most tenacious person I had ever met, and yet you were so vulnerable that night. And of course, you bowing to me helped a lot, so, keep that going.”

 

“You like it when I’m vulnerable?” Lexa commented, though she was grinning too. “That doesn’t make sense.”

 

“I like that you feel comfortable enough around me to be so vulnerable,” Clarke corrected. “It can’t be easy to keep your walls up all the time, can it?” 

 

“It isn’t,” Lexa agreed. “I used to think that love was a weakness, but with you... It feels more like strength than anything else.”

 

“I feel the same way,” Clarke replied, smiling as she kissed her again. Lexa let go of Clarke’s hands to wrap her arms around the small of her back instead, pulling her closer. The kiss broke but they stayed holding each other for a couple moments before they continued walking, mostly in silence. 

 

“This looks like a nice spot,” Clarke suggested. They had come to a cliff overlooking a lake. There were no trees to obstruct their view of the night sky, and Clarke found some comfort in looking up at the stars that she used to live amongst. Lexa agreed, and they sat down with their legs dangling over the cliff and their fingers tangled together as they leaned on each other. 

 

“I knew that I had feelings for you long before the pauna,” Lexa announced, out of the blue. Clarke’s breath hitched involuntarily- it wasn’t often that Lexa talked about her feelings so openly, and she was ready to hang onto every word. “I was inspired when you chose to take Finn’s life yourself, and since that moment, I have been drawn to your loyalty and your spirit ever since.”

 

Part of Clarke was still raw over Finn’s death, but the way that Lexa spoke of it was so calm that Clarke couldn’t help but feel a little more at peace with what had transpired that fateful night. 

 

“Really? It took me killing my ex to get you to like me?” Clarke joked, though Lexa took it seriously, as always. “Can  _ you  _ pick a different moment?” 

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Lexa assured.

 

“I know, I’m just teasing,” Clarke replied. “But seriously, please pick another moment.”

 

“Well after Mount Weather I tried my best to suppress my feelings for you,” Lexa admitted. “When you defended me so valiantly when my rule was threatened, I started to hope that maybe there was a future where you and I-” 

 

Lexa stopped herself before she could say more, and Clarke blushed. 

 

“I hope there is too,” Clarke whispered, leaning over and kissing Lexa on the forehead. She closed her eyes and rested her lips on Lexa’s cold skin for a minute, refusing to let go of the serenity of the moment.

 

“What time do you need to leave?” Lexa asked. 

 

“Stop asking me that,” Clarke whined. “I have to be back by sunrise.” 

 

“You’ve seen how my people operate,” Lexa said absently, taking to braiding Clarke’s hair. “I wish I could see how yours operate.”

 

“Is that Lexa for ‘I wish I could come back with you so that I can protect you and kiss you all the time’?” Clarke asked, grinning. 

 

“It is not!” Lexa protested, smiling back. “But that would contribute to the experience.”

 

“I can protect myself,” Clarke insisted. “And besides, there are still a handful of people who support me. They’ll make sure I’m alright.” 

 

“Is Bellamy one of them?” Lexa mused, the slightest hint of jealousy in her voice. Clarke paused for a moment. She hadn’t seen Bellamy since she’d tasered him, and surely he wouldn’t have taken that well. 

 

“I don’t know where he stands,” Clarke admitted. 

 

“You had faith in him when he was in Mount Weather,” Lexa remarked. “What’s different now?”

 

“He was part of the group that slaughtered your people,” Clarke said, taking a rock in her hand and tossing it into the lake below. “Even if blood must not have blood, I don’t think I’m ready to forgive him for that.”

 

“I’m not ready to forgive him either. Can you banish him?” Lexa suggested. Clarke smiled sadly.

 

“I think you’re overestimating my power,” Clarke replied. “Even before Pike was Chancellor, I wouldn’t have been able to banish anyone.”

 

“How did things operate before the Ark station came down?” Lexa wondered. “Anya told me some things, but not enough.”

 

“When we first got here, we pretty much did whatever the hell we wanted to,” Clarke explained, feeling rather sheepish as she recounted the events out loud. “Then Bellamy assumed this leadership position when things started going bad. He wasn’t very wise back then, and he just made sure that we were safe while we did whatever the hell we wanted. I tried convincing him to make up some plans about how we were going to actually survive down here, and eventually we learned to stop fighting each other and we lead together.”

 

“A good tactic,” Lexa remarked. Clarke smiled. 

 

“And now that all the adults are here, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do,” Clarke admitted. “They treat me like I’m just a kid, but they don’t know the half of what I- what all of us- have been through.”

 

“Can you propose another election now that you’ve returned to Arkadia?” Lexa suggested. “A motion of non confidence? If your people see that you are not comfortable with Pike’s leadership, maybe they will follow suit.”

 

The idea took flight in Clarke’s brain, and a grin spread across her face as she dared to gain hope. 

 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Clarke said, kissing Lexa. They lay back on the gravel ground, and though it was nothing compared to the comfort of Lexa’s bed, Clarke wasted no time in getting Lexa’s clothes off. 

 

\---

 

She made it back unnoticed, and made it back to her mother’s room just in time to get an hour of sleep. She didn’t regret it at all. She thought of everything that Lexa had said to her and resisted the urge to scribble it all down and keep it forever so that she would never forget. 

 

Her mother woke her up when the sun rose, and Clarke smiled up at her, though she was surprised by the stern look on her face. Had Pike made her this weary, or was it something else?

 

“You went out to see Lexa?” Abby demanded. 

 

“Why would you think that?” Clarke asked, before revealing anything. Abby reached out and tugged on one of the braids that Lexa had put in Clarke’s hair. It was far too intricate for Clarke to have done herself. “Oh.”

 

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Abby assured. “But I want you to know that by sneaking off with her, you’re not only putting your life at risk, but hers too. What were you even doing out there in the middle of the night?”

 

Clarke wasn’t about to tell her mother that she had sex on top of a cliff at midnight, so instead she said, “trying to figure out a way to restore peace between us and the Grounders.”

 

Abby looked somewhat relieved by this, so she dropped her angry act. 

 

“And? Did you come up with anything?” Abby pressed. 

 

“I can’t tell you. But it’ll be set in motion soon,” Clarke assured. “But, I’m going to have to meet with Lexa often. Once, maybe twice a week.”

 

“I can cover for you,” Abby said. “You’re in good hands with her.”

 

“Thanks, mom.”

 

\---

 

When she inevitably bumped into Bellamy, it was just as uncomfortable as she would’ve expected. When he looked at her, there was no form of warm recognition in his eyes, just a kind of betrayal or disappointment that was almost worse. 

 

“You’re here to try and convince me to change my mind about supporting Pike, right?” Bellamy assumed. 

 

“I was actually just on my way to help out with some chores,” Clarke corrected. “But since you’re here anyways... You’re wrong about them, Bellamy. Why the sudden change of heart?”

 

“You’re asking me about the sudden change of heart?” Bellamy demanded. “You’re the one who willingly stayed at Polis after Lexa betrayed you and then had you kidnapped!”

 

“She was protecting her people,” Clarke snarled defensively. 

 

“Maybe she was, but kidnapping you had nothing to do with it,” Bellamy said in a more resigned tone. “Have you forgotten all that they’ve done to us?”

 

“Have you forgotten everything we did to them?” Clarke replied. “If anyone is in the wrong, it’s our people. They may have killed some of us, but we’ve killed thousands of them! They  _ want  _ peace, Bellamy. We just have to agree with them.”

 

“Do you trust them?” Bellamy asked, crossing his arms. “Not Lexa- do you trust her people?”

 

“Yes,” Clarke said with absolute confidence. They would never doubt Lexa’s authority, and if Lexa insisted on peaceful coexistence, then they would follow suit. 

 

Bellamy sighed before saying, “then I guess I trust them too.”

 

Finally, Clarke was seeing the Bellamy that she knew as a good friend. She let out the breath that she’d been holding and hugged him, and he hesitated for a moment before he hugged her back. 

 

\---

 

“Kane,” Clarke said, swinging her feet back and forth as she sat on the counter of the control room. “What would I have to do to start a motion of non confidence?” 

 

“Well it’s no walk in the park, that’s for sure,” Kane laughed, before turning to look at her. “Why do you ask?”

 

“Why do you think?” Clarke retorted. “If anyone should be Chancellor, it’s you- fight for it!”

 

“I asked the people to choose, and they did,” Kane explained grimly. 

 

“If I propose a motion of non confidence, maybe they’ll change their minds,” Clarke insisted. “They’re loyal to me.”

 

Kane paused, considering this. 

 

“It might not be wise to hold another election so soon after the last,” Kane said. 

 

“It’s more wise than whatever Pike is planning next,” Clarke countered, and Kane hid a smile. 

 

“Okay, I’ll help you,” Kane relented. 

 

\---

 

By the time the election actually came around, there were too many people supporting Clarke for Pike to object to it. It had only been three days since Clarke’s arrival and yet people were already flocking back to her command, especially those who remained of the first hundred. 

 

“The votes are in,” Abby announced. “It looks like Kane is going to be the commander from now on.” 

 

Most of the sky people cheered, excluding Pike’s followers. Clarke beamed as Kane emerged from the crowd to join Abby in front of them all. She pretended not to notice the outraged look on Pike’s face. 

 

“I guess I should’ve put more thought into an acceptance speech, huh,” he said, eliciting a laugh from his audience. “Things are going to go back to the way things were. I’m going to talk with the Grounder people to remove the blockade surrounding our camp, and from there, we’ll hopefully be able to renegotiate some treaties.” 

 

Clarke felt a rush of relief at his words. If the sky people would be permitted to rejoin the coalition, Clarke would be able to resume her position as an ambassador at Polis, which would allow her to be with Lexa again, without all the sneaking around. 

 

\---

 

“Let me go to talk to the Grounders,” Clarke demanded as soon as she was able to catch Kane and Abby privately. “They have a kill order for anyone that tries to get through the blockade.”

 

“So why would I let you approach them?” Kane asked protectively. 

 

“Marcus, don’t worry. She has a special relationship with Commander Lexa,” Abby said, with a knowing look, but didn’t reveal more than what was necessary. Kane met Abby’s gaze, then looked back at Clarke, as he mulled over his decision. “She’s going to meet Lexa in the morning anyways, so that would be a good time to reveal our new leadership, right?”

 

“Why are you meeting with Lexa?” Kane pressed suspiciously. Clarke shot a pointed look at her mother for telling her secret. 

 

“To discuss the progress of the situation here,” Clarke lied. “She’d been helping me think of a way to get Pike out of leadership to prevent a war with her people.”

 

A series of emotions crossed the new Chancellor’s face, but ultimately he said nothing of it, other than granting his permission for her to go meet Lexa. 

 

\---

 

She didn’t get much sleep that night, she was practically buzzing with excitement. Once she fell asleep, she didn’t stay asleep for very long. She’d wake up and check the time, and then drift off again for another half hour. As soon as the clock read 4:55, she was out of bed and on her way out. She wore a cloak that Lexa had given her, one that would cover her head and keep her warm in the early morning temperatures. She was always cold- so the gift was much appreciated. 

 

As she made her way to the cliff, their new rendezvous point, Clarke heard another set of footsteps among the trees and she froze. She instantly wished she had brought a weapon with her. However, when she stopped, so did the other footsteps, so perhaps she was imagining things. She continued walking. 

 

As she walked, she could definitely distinguish between two sets of footsteps. She looked around and saw another figure in the woods- also frozen. They were too far away to make out any identifying features, which was troublesome to Clarke. She had no idea if she’d be able to take this person on if they decided to attack her. 

 

She continued on her way, hoping that it was just a strange coincidence that there would be someone else in this neck of the woods, and that they were headed for somewhere else. Eventually, the footsteps grew softer and softer, then ceased altogether. Comforted, Clarke let her guard down. 

 

Big mistake.

 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she was thrown to the ground, landing on her face with a thud, and before she could even scream, she was flipped onto her back with a knife pressed to her throat. 

 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked incredulously as she was met with the face of her assailant. Immediately, Lexa’s knife fell to the ground beside Clarke’s head as she released her hold on her, thoroughly humiliated and afraid. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Lexa whispered, cupping Clarke’s face with much gentler hands and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I saw you from a distance but I didn’t recognise you, and when I saw you walking towards our spot, I-”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Clarke assured, reaching up to caress Lexa’s cheek. “It’s weird being on the receiving end of your fury.”

 

Lexa let out a short laugh, and kissed Clarke again.

 

“Clarke, you’ve seen nothing of my fury. And I promise, you will never be on the receiving end of it,” Lexa said, standing up and extending a hand to help Clarke. 

 

“I have good news,” Clarke said, brushing off her pants. “We had another election. Kane is the new Chancellor.” 

 

A smile spreads across Lexa’s face. 

 

“So what will become of Pike?” Lexa asked, her eyes alight with excitement. 

 

“I don’t know, I guess it’s up to Kane,” Clarke said, walking towards the cliff. “He’ll likely face punishment for what he did to your people, I’m just not sure how severe it will be.” 

 

“That’s great news, Clarke,” Lexa said in a softer voice as she fell into step with Clarke. “I’ll remove the blockade as soon as I can.”

 

Leaning her head on Lexa’s shoulder, they sit on the edge of the cliff to watch the sun rise over the lake. 

 

“So I think my mom knows about us,” Clarke admitted after a period of silence. “She saw the braids in my hair the other night.”

 

“What did she say?” Lexa asked, growing tense beside Clarke. 

 

“I told her that we were discussing strategy,” Clarke said. “She bought it.”

 

“You lied to your mother?” 

 

“Well I wasn’t going to tell her what we were  _ actually  _ doing!” Clarke protested. Lexa blushed, but grinned anyways, and even laughed. 

 

“You know what this means, don’t you?” Lexa asked after a brief lull in the conversation. “We can bring the Skaikru back into the coalition.”

 

“Really?” Clarke replied. “Your people would allow that?”

 

“It would ultimately benefit us all,” Lexa pointed out. “Why quarrel with each other over past grudges? We all share this Earth, we should do it peacefully.” 

 

“And surely this has  _ nothing  _ to do with the fact that I’d have to return to Polis to represent my people?” Clarke asked suspiciously. “Long nights alone with you, talking strategy in the candlelight, and being too tired to go back to our rooms so we end up sharing a bed?”

 

“It has nothing to do with that,” Lexa insisted, though her face was red and she was grinning incessantly. “But I would enjoy that as an added benefit.” 

 

\---

 

Lexa returned to Arkadia with Clarke to congratulate Kane and to announce that she would be removing her blockade. She made a speech to the sky people about how she wanted to achieve peace between them. While the sky people weren’t as enthusiastic about her speech as they were about Kane’s, they were still able to agree with her. 

 

“The Skaikru will be able to return to my coalition, if they’d like to,” Lexa said, turning to Kane. 

 

“Let’s put it to a vote,” Kane suggested. Lexa nodded curtly and watched the crowd of people. “All in favour?”

 

Even without counting, it was obvious that a comfortable majority was in favour of the proposal. Clarke grinned, but reminded herself that she couldn’t hope for this to work out just so that she could be with Lexa. 

 

“Then it is settled, Clarke will return with me to Polis to represent your people as she did before,” Lexa announced, turning to Abby for approval. 

 

“I’ll be sad to see you leave,” Abby said to Clarke. “But it’s the right thing to do.”

Clarke hugged her mother and the crowd dissipated, leaving Clarke, Lexa, Kane and Abby to themselves. 

 

“Take care of her, please?” Abby said to Lexa in a softer voice. Clarke looked down, embarrassed. She knew that she didn’t need protecting, but she appreciated the sentiment. 

 

“I swear it,” Lexa replied, with a knowing look at Clarke. “Gather your things. We’ll leave as soon as you’re ready.”

 

Clarke nodded and went to her bunk to collect a few things. She didn’t have many belongings, other than a change of clothes and her father’s watch, and a sketchpad. Just as she was about to leave, she found herself face to face with Lexa in the doorway. 

 

“This is your room?” Lexa inquired, looking around. 

 

“Kind of. It’s more my mom’s, but we’re short on space, so we shared,” Clarke explained. Lexa nodded as her eyes roamed the room. 

 

“What did your room look like on the Ark?” Lexa asked, being careful not to overstep any boundaries. Clarke hadn’t told Lexa that she was a criminal yet, and while she doubted that Lexa would be upset about it, she was reluctant to tell her.

 

“It was about the same size as this,” Clarke said, picturing her cell. “It was very blue. The walls, the floor, everything. And there were drawings all over the walls. And there was a window that you could see Earth from.” 

 

“You could see Earth from up there?” Lexa asked, awestruck. Clarke smiled and pulled out her sketchbook. She flipped to a page that she had used when she was still on the Ark, a drawing of her view. “This is incredible.” 

 

“Thanks,” Clarke said sheepishly. “It’s nothing compared to the beauty of the Earth, though.” 

 

Lexa smiled and handed Clarke her sketchbook back. 

 

“Are you ready to go?” Lexa asked. Stashing the paper in her bag, Clarke nodded. They walked outside and Clarke shoved her hands in her pockets to keep from holding hands with Lexa.

 

Lexa got on her horse and extended a hand to help Clarke up as well. Clarke had never ridden doubles before, but she was happy to have an excuse to wrap her arms around Lexa for the next hour. 

  
And as Clarke leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder, she couldn’t help but relish in how  _ right  _ it felt.


	2. Chapter 2

“I want to get a tattoo,” Clarke announced one day. Lexa stirred from where she’d been resting on the couch while Clarke drew her, or rather, finished the last drawing that she’d done of her. 

 

“Really?” Lexa asked, her eyes lighting up at the idea. “Of what?”

 

“I don’t know yet,” Clarke admitted, turning to a blank page of her sketchbook. “Want to help me think of one?” 

 

Lexa shuffled along the couch until she was practically leaning on Clarke’s shoulder (which, she eventually did). 

 

“I’m totally blanking,” Clarke admitted shyly. “How did you come up with yours?”

 

“I’ll admit, I didn’t come up with mine,” Lexa agreed. “Costia was artistic, like you, and she did the designs for them.” 

 

The idea of being compared to Costia flattered Clarke. She smiled a little and looked at Lexa before daring to ask, “what was she like?”

 

“Oh, you two couldn’t have been more different,” Lexa said, smiling wistfully. “She was free-spirited and light hearted... She didn’t have a care in the world. Her hair was dark and short and she always had the tiniest, most intricate little braids. And her eyes were this gorgeous red-brown that could pierce your heart or melt it.”

 

“And she was an artist,” Clarke added. Lexa smiled again.

 

“She was many things,” Lexa agreed. “An artist, a warrior, a healer-”

 

“Oh yeah, nothing like me,” Clarke interrupted, smirking a little. Lexa smiled back. 

 

“No.  _ You  _ are burdened by the responsibility that you owe to your people, and your concern for those you care about keeps you from doing whatever you want,” Lexa explained, choosing her words carefully, like always. Her words stung, but they were truthful. “After Costia died, I swore I would never love again the way I loved her, not only to protect those I cared about, but to protect myself. But when I met you, I realized that because of your fierce loyalty and your strength... I don’t have to worry about that, do I?”

 

It was interesting to Clarke, the way that Lexa put her answer as a question. Lexa was always confident in her decisions, so the fact that she trusted Clarke enough to wonder out loud if she should be worried or not, meant a lot. 

 

“Nah, you don’t have to worry about a thing,” Clarke agreed, leaning in and kissing her quickly. “But you know, if you suspect that someone is trying to get secrets out of me, I wouldn’t mind if you held me a little closer, or challenged them to a duel or something.”

 

“I don’t think I could challenge them to a duel,” Lexa pointed out, and while her tone was light, Clarke knew she was serious when she added, “but, I will defend you with my dying breath.” 

 

“Okay, drama queen,” Clarke said, though she appreciated the gesture, and acknowledged it by intertwining her fingers with Lexa’s. “Help me come up with a tattoo design. What if we got matching ones?”

 

“Would that be appropriate?” Lexa asked, though she grinned when Clarke suggested it. “I don’t know if our people would take kindly to that.” 

 

“Okay, good point,” Clarke agreed. “What about some kind of symbol of our relationship? Some candles maybe?”

 

Lexa smiled again, though she hadn’t really  _ stopped  _ smiling since she spoke about Costia. 

 

“Isn’t there something from the Ark that you’d prefer?” Lexa asked cautiously, her smile finally fading a little. Clarke shook her head.

 

“None of that is as important as this,” she said, squeezing Lexa’s hand. “I mean I guess there’s one or two things more important than this, like learning how to talk and stuff, but as of right now, this is the most important thing for me.”

 

“Yu laik the won,” Lexa said softly in her native tongue. “The first words we exchanged.” 

 

“Really? Those were the first words we said to each other?” Clarke asked, beaming at Lexa. “It feels like forever ago.” 

 

She started drawing out ideas that contained those words in them- the words written in an infinity symbol, the words written in a circle, the words written in a heart, which was horribly cliche. Finally, she settled on an intricately designed compass tattoo, and the words that Lexa had given her were written in tiny letters inside the design. 

 

“It’s perfect,” Lexa praised. “Where are you going to put it?” 

 

“The back of my shoulder maybe?” Clarke suggested. 

 

“That’ll hurt a lot,” Lexa commented, using her free hand to trace over the area where Clarke had suggested. “This is pure muscle here, and having a needle in there hundreds of times won’t feel great. It’s possible, but it’s not going to be pleasant. Perhaps here?”

 

She dragged her finger to the middle of Clarke’s back, just above where her shoulder blades met. 

 

“Here would be good,” Lexa said, brushing Clarke’s hair to one side and pressing a slow, gentle kiss to the spot that she had pointed out. “You’ll never be able to see it, but I can tell you how good it looks.” 

 

Clarke opened her mouth to make some witty comment, but all that came out was some pathetic whimper sound. 

 

\---

 

“Clarke, I’d love to come with you for this, but we still have to keep our relationship under wraps,” Lexa explained sadly. “For the time being, at least. When our people are accustomed to the Skaikru being a part of the coalition, we can announce our bond.”

 

“That’s alright,” Clarke said. She wasn’t big on public displays of affection anyways. “I’ll get Octavia to come with me. But I mean, if she kisses me after I hold her hand for the duration of the tattooing process... You’ll understand right? I’m pretty great at hand holding.” 

 

“If she kisses you, she dies,” Lexa scoffed, feigning jealousy. 

 

“Was that a joke?” Clarke gasped, unable to contain her smile. “Did you really just make a joke?”

 

“Go or you’ll be late,” Lexa insisted, all but shoving her out the door. As Clarke left, she turned and blew a kiss to Lexa in the doorway before searching for Octavia. 

 

She found the girl sharpening her sword outside the tower. She was sitting on the ground and leaning up against the cold brick wall, balancing the sword in her lap while she ran over it with a whet stone. 

 

“Octavia, come with me,” Clarke said, offering her hand to help her up. Octavia gave her a skeptical look so she continued. “I’m getting a tattoo and I hate needles so you’re coming whether you like it or not.”

“ _ You’re  _ getting a tattoo?” Octavia repeated incredulously. In a more mocking tone, she added, “does your mom know about this?”

 

“No, she doesn’t, and it’ll probably stay that way for a while if things work out properly,” Clarke explained. 

 

“Oh my god,” Octavia squealed, jumping to her feet. Her sword nearly clattered to the ground and she fumbled to get it back in it’s sheath. “Are you getting a tramp stamp?”

 

“A what? No!” Clarke said, starting towards the tent where Lexa said the tattoo artist would be. “You’ll see when it’s finished.”

 

The tent was no different than the dozens of others that were set up around Polis, but inside, it seemed darker than the others. The tattoo artist was sitting with her feet kicked up on her desk, watching Clarke and Octavia enter with calculating eyes. The woman was dark in every way- dark hair, dark eyes, even the way her lips curled at the edges was dark.

 

“Wanheda,” the artist greeted cordially as they entered the tent. Clarke had expected her to have a gruff voice, however, the voice was actually quite mellow, and Clarke found herself at ease in her presence. “I was starting to wonder when you would come around here.”

 

“I was just having trouble coming up with a design, but I think I have one now,” Clarke replied, handing her the paper. 

 

“Yeah, I can do this,” said the woman approvingly. “Where do you want it?”

 

Clarke pulled her hair forward over one shoulder, and reached back to rub the spot that Lexa had suggested earlier. 

 

“Very well. You can take off your shirt and we’ll get started,” the woman instructed. Clarke did as she was told, and balled up the fabric in her hands as she was guided to the chair where she would be spending the next few hours. 

 

“Do you want me to hold your hand, Princess?” Octavia asked, her tone teasing. Clarke opened her mouth, but as soon as the artist picked up the needle, Clarke’s stomach flopped. So naturally, Clarke snatched Octavia’s hand and braced herself for the impending pain. 

 

\---

 

“How’d it go?” Lexa asked, stepping into Clarke’s bedroom that night. After Clarke had gotten her tattoo, she had gone out riding with Octavia to try and take her mind off of the pain of the tattoo. It didn’t help much, but there were plenty of laughs between the two of them, which made the ride worthwhile. 

 

“I didn’t think it would hurt  _ that  _ much,” Clarke admitted, sitting up in her bed, stiff and sore.

 

“Can I see it?” Lexa asked shyly, sitting down beside Clarke on the bed. Clarke obliged, feeling much more comfortable as she pulled her shirt off for Lexa than she did at the tattoo place. Lexa fell silent as she carefully peeled back the bandages to reveal the tattoo. 

 

“Well? Does it look okay?” Clarke asked impatiently. Lexa traced it with the tip of her finger, and Clarke’s skin shuddered under her touch. 

 

“It’s beautiful,” Lexa remarked, her hands spreading over the expanse of Clarke’s back before snaking around her waist and tugging her towards herself so that she could gently kiss the crown of Clarke’s head. 

 

Sighing heavily, Clarke settled back against Lexa and closed her eyes. 

 

“I have to go to Arkadia tomorrow,” Clarke mumbled. “Not for very long, I just have to stay updated on what’s going on.”

 

“Of course,” Lexa said calmly, taking to braiding Clarke’s hair. “Do you require company?”

 

“No, Octavia already said she’d come with me,” Clarke said. “She wants to see her brother. Probably to beat him up, but still.” 

 

“You’ve been growing close to her,” Lexa observed. Clarke smirked, but Lexa didn’t see. 

 

“Are you  _ jealous, _ Commander?” Clarke asked. 

 

“Do I need to be?” Lexa replied. 

 

“I mean, I just got a tattoo symbolizing our relationship,” Clarke reminded her. “I don’t think you need to worry about anything.”

 

\---

 

“Clarke!” said Jaha as Clarke walked through the camp. “Do you have a minute? I have a favour to ask of you.” 

 

Clarke didn’t really have spare time, but Jaha was the former Chancellor and warranted Clarke’s respect, so she stopped to listen to him. 

 

“You’ve heard of the Polaris station, haven’t you?” Jaha asked. Clarke nodded- she’d always been fascinated by the story. “Rumour has it that the chip that Becca was working on still exists. That it’s down here somewhere. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

 

Clarke had always gotten a bit of a crazy vibe from Jaha, but this was unheard of. 

 

“I haven’t heard anything about that,” Clarke replied curtly. “By down here you mean on Earth or...?”

 

  
“It would be among the grounders, most likely, since they were here when Becca deployed the Polaris station.” 

 

Clarke didn’t want to get ahead of herself, but the name Polaris was awfully close to Polis... She pushed the thought from her mind. 

 

“Could you draw me a picture of this... chip?” Clarke asked skeptically, fishing out a piece of paper from her back pocket. It was the same one that had her tattoo design on it, but she didn’t really care. Jaha took the paper from her and scribbled something down that looked like a spider. Clarke took it from him and stuck it back in her pocket. 

 

“Thank you, but I really have to talk to Chancellor Kane,” Clarke said, excusing herself as she brushed past Jaha. 

 

While the Chancellor brought her up to speed on what was happening, her mind kept drifting off to what Jaha had told her, and she kept pinching herself to bring her attention back. 

 

“Okay, so let me just make sure I got everything,” Clarke said after Kane finished talking. “Pike has been banished, his followers are disbanded and awaiting trial, and Jaha is a drug dealer now?”

 

“Pretty much,” Kane agreed, cracking a smile. “I don’t think Jaha is really a threat though. He’s just babbling nonsense.” 

 

Clarke nodded, feeling better about what Jaha had told her earlier. 

 

“Do you think Pike will be a threat now that he’s out? He has no restrictions or anything- he could still do some damage if he wanted to,” Clarke wondered out loud. She was less than enthusiastic about the idea of Pike being able to go wherever he wanted. 

 

“We gave him no weapons and no rations,” Kane replied. “And if he somehow survives, and tries to attack our people or yours- sorry, the grounders, then I told them we wouldn’t hesitate to kill him.”

 

Clarke smiled at the idea of the grounders being  _ her  _ people, though they weren’t really. And the idea of Pike suffering because of what he did to Lexa’s army thrilled her. 

 

“How are things at Polis?” Kane asked, crossing his arms. 

 

“Pretty docile now that relations between their people and ours are more stable,” Clarke said. “It’s just business as usual there now.” 

 

\---

 

“Any news from the Skaikru?” Lexa asked as the thirteen clans met in the conference room. Twelve faces turned to Clarke, but the only gaze she felt was Lexa’s. 

 

“Pike has been banished without supplies and his followers await punishment for their war crimes. If Pike is seen on any of our land, we have the right to kill him,” Clarke assured, and the others nodded their approval. “The people are responding well to Chancellor Kane’s leadership.”

 

“Very good,” Lexa praised, turning to the next ambassador. The went around the circle, each sharing updates and struggles that each clan faced, though there were very few problems this week. 

 

For the first time since Clarke had landed on the ground, she actually felt like maybe there was an end to their hardships. 

 

\---

 

It was hard for Clarke to think about struggles when the Commander of the Twelve Armies had her arms around her, pressing kisses on her neck and shoulder. 

 

“Titus told me something interesting today, when I got back to Polis,” Clarke said when Lexa stopped kissing her to lean her head on her shoulder instead. “He said that being the Commander meant you have to be alone.”

 

“Don’t listen to what he says,” Lexa replied, making a sound of frustration. “He accuses me of making decisions with my heart rather than my head... And while it’s exceptionally difficult when it comes to you,  _ ai hodnes _ , I’m capable of keeping you out of my decisions as the Commander.”

 

_ “Ai hodnes,”  _ Clarke replied, testing the words out on her tongue. Lexa smiled shyly. “What does that mean?”

 

“That is for me to know and for you to learn,” Lexa teased, her smile growing. Clarke pouted. “You have a long way to go if you’re going to integrate into our culture.”

 

“Maybe the secret is in whatever you just told me,” Clarke replied. Lexa just shook her head. 

 

“I doubt it,” Lexa said confidently, leaning back against the head of her bed.

 

“Alright, well if you’re not going to tell me, then I guess I’m not being the big spoon tonight,” Clarke protested, though it was hard come across as angry when she was still holding hands with Lexa. And she wasn’t about to be the first to let go. 

 

“Big spoon?” Lexa asked, raising an eyebrow. Clarke smirked. 

 

“How does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine?” Clarke gloated. 

 

“I’ll tell you what  _ ai hodnes  _ means, if you tell me what a big spoon is,” Lexa offered. And Clarke rolled her eyes. 

 

“Okay, fine, you first,” Clarke relented, fully planning on  _ not  _ telling Lexa. Sure, it was petty, but it was also necessary. For personal reasons.

 

“It means my love,” Lexa explained, and even the gentle, loving version of Lexa had an air of regal confidence to her. The way her chin tilted upwards as she spoke, the way she looked at Clarke with hooded eyes to conceal her true emotions, the steadiness of her voice... Clarke couldn’t help but smile. 

 

“That’s sweet,” Clarke hummed. At this point, she realized she had to tell Lexa, or the guilt would eat her up forever. “The big spoon is basically the one who wraps their arms around the other when they’re cuddling... Which makes you the little spoon.”

 

“I am not a little spoon,” Lexa insisted. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

 

“Yes you are,” Clarke replied. “You might  _ act  _ like you’re a tough, ruthless tyrant, but I know that you’re actually just a big ol’ cuddle bug.”

 

“Yes,” Lexa relented, though there was still a playful glimmer in her eyes. “And it’s all your fault. The revered  _ Wanheda  _ has claimed yet another victim. I’m powerless to you.”

 

“Well that’s a bit of a stretch,” Clarke huffed, though she couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride at the idea of Lexa bending to her will. “I watched you grab a sword with your bare hands. I don’t think I’m qualified to be more powerful than you.”

 

“I’m glad you noticed,” Lexa commented. “I did it  _ just  _ to impress you. It had nothing to do with saving my own life or anything.” 

 

“I think I like sarcastic Lexa,” Clarke replied, leaning in to kiss Lexa. 

 

“I like you too,” Lexa replied, before laying amongst the furs of her bed. Clarke laid back as well, shifting to put her arms around Lexa’s waist and nuzzled her nose to the curve of her shoulder. 

 

“Goodnight, little spoon,” Clarke whispered.

 

\--- 

 

Remembering the paper that Jaha had given her, Clarke examined it more closely in the early morning light. She still had no idea what this thing was- let alone how to find it. 

 

“How do you know what that looks like?” Lexa asked accusingly once she woke up. 

 

“You know what this is?” Clarke replied, equally as surprised as Lexa. Lexa pried the paper gently from Clarke’s hands. 

 

“This is the spirit of the Commander,” Lexa said, her brows furrowing together. “Where did you get this?”

 

“Jaha drew it out for me- he’s looking for it. Something to do with the City of Light,” Clarke explained, unsure of why Lexa seemed so spooked. “Do you know where it is?”

 

Lexa turned her head, pulling her hair to one side, revealing a tattoo of an infinity symbol with a scar running straight through it. Clarke reached out and ran her hand along the tattoo. 

 

“Wait- it’s  _ in  _ your neck?” Clarke gasped, her hand freezing. That explained why Lexa was so freaked out. “I won’t tell him, I promise.”

 

“Whoever possesses this is the Commander of our people,” Lexa explained, looking equal parts stern and afraid. “Are you sure you don’t know what he wants with it?”

 

“He said something about a code, but he didn’t go into detail,” Clarke said. “I wish I could tell you more, I really do. But for now- I’ll protect you, Lexa.”

 

Lexa didn’t seem convinced, but she at least softened a little.  

 

“How many others know about this?” Lexa asked. 

 

“I haven’t told anyone,” Clarke assured. “But I’m not sure who Jaha’s told about it. I can try and get some more information from him the next time I go to Arkadia?”

 

“No, don’t,” Lexa protested. “I don’t want him to think that you know something. If he, or anyone tries to take it from me, I will punish them as necessary. That includes any of your people.”

 

“If they try to hurt you, I’ll be the first to fight back,” Clarke assured, pressing a kiss to the top of Lexa’s head. “Though, you can probably handle yourself.”

 

“Thank you, Clarke,” Lexa murmured, finally able to relax back against her pillows. They fell silent for a while, closing their eyes again as if they didn’t have a whole day of work to do.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke said quietly. Lexa rolled over so that she faced Clarke. “I’m glad you trusted me with this. Thank you.”

 

Lexa smiled softly, and pressed a small kiss on the tip of Clarke’s nose. 


	3. Chapter 3

“So how are things with Lexa?” Octavia asked, earning her an alarmed look from Clarke. “Come on, I’m not dumb. Anyone can see that you two are... whatever you two are.”

 

Clarke fiddled with the hairs at the base of her horse’s withers. She knew that she couldn’t exactly be public about her relationship with Lexa, and she wouldn’t be pleased if Octavia knew about their relationship. 

 

“It’s not what you think,” Clarke said diplomatically, staring out at the horizon then back down at her horse, pretty much anywhere but Octavia’s eyes. “We’re friends, yes, and we’ve been spending time together, yes, but-”

 

“But also you’re hooking up,” Octavia said, grinning madly. 

 

“We are  _ not  _ hooking up,” Clarke protested. “Hooking up implies there’s no emotions involved and-”

 

“And there’s lots of emotions involved when you two are between the sheets?” Octavia finished.

 

“And I don’t sleep around!” Clarke corrected her.

 

“So it’s exclusive!” Octavia cried, and Clarke was mentally kicking herself for revealing so much.  

 

“She brought me flowers this morning,” Clarke admitted, since Octavia had figured out the basic details anyways. Octavia raised her eyebrows and smirked, but didn’t say anything. “What?”

 

“What else does she do?” Octavia asked, suddenly unable to meet Clarke’s gaze. 

 

“I don’t know, like we hold hands a lot and she braids my hair a lot,” Clarke said, shrugging. “I guess it’s kinda cute, I mean I never-”

 

“Clarke,” Octavia said, laughing. “She’s going to propose to you.”

 

“I mean, I guess that’s something to think about down the road,” Clarke agreed, considering the idea.

 

“No, like she’s getting ready to propose  _ now,”  _ Octavia insisted. “Lincoln was telling me about this stuff and it definitely sounds like she wants to marry you.”

 

“That doesn’t make sense, we’re not even public about our relationship yet,” Clarke protested. “We haven’t even said I love you yet.”

 

“Grounders take forever to actually pop the question, don’t worry,” Octavia replied. “Usually their marriages are arranged, but a woman of Lexa’s status would definitely be able to choose a partner. And she probably doesn’t want it to be public because she doesn’t want to mislead her people.”

 

“Mislead them into what?” Clarke asked, trying to ignore the pit in her stomach. 

 

“Into thinking that you’re hooking up,” Octavia replied, grinning. “If I were you, I’d try to beat her to the punch. She’d love it.”

 

“How? What’s the next step?” Clarke asked, becoming desperate. 

 

“Well you can’t just start from step three, Clarke,” Octavia said, as if it were obvious. “You gotta start from braiding hair, then the flowers, then the boar heart-”

 

“The boar heart?” Clarke asked, incredulously. “That can’t be real.”

 

“It’s not, I just wanted to see if you would fall for it,” Octavia agreed. “The next step would be giving her a weapon of some kind, and if she uses it in battle, you can propose.”

 

“Sounds simple enough,” Clarke supposed, leaning back a little in her saddle, and trying to get her mind around the whole concept. “It kind of makes me wish she wasn’t so hellbent on being peaceful though.”

 

\---

 

That night, Clarke crept into Lexa’s room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Lexa was sitting on the bed, reading, and looked up in surprise when she saw Clarke. Without saying anything, Clarke slipped into the sheets beside Lexa, putting her arms around her and closing her eyes as she leaned her head against Lexa’s.

 

“Are you alright?” Lexa asked, her voice as cautious as if she were walking on eggshells. 

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Clarke said. She paused for a moment, and swore that Lexa would be able to hear her heart hammering in her chest. “I love you.”

 

Lexa leaned away for a brief moment, and Clarke opened her eyes to meet Lexa’s. She stared back at her, equal parts shocked and overjoyed. 

 

“You don’t have to say it back if you’re not ready, I just-”

 

“I love you too,” Lexa replied before Clarke could start doubting herself. Clarke raised her eyebrows, surprised to hear it reciprocated. “I just didn’t think you’d be the first to say it.”

 

“I didn’t think  _ you  _ were going to be the first to say it either,” Clarke laughed. 

 

“What made you say it now?” Lexa asked, setting her book aside. “I didn’t even know you were here- aren’t you supposed to be at Arkadia?” 

 

“I left a little early,” Clarke admitted. Lexa gave her a look. “Not  _ that  _ early, I just rode really fast because I was  _ dying  _ to see you.”

 

“I missed you as well,” Lexa replied. “Any news from Jaha?”

 

“He asked me the same thing about you,” Clarke replied. “I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable talking to you about it, that we’re not  _ that  _ close, and that snooping around Polis might create some tension between our people. He agreed to drop it for now.”

 

“For now?” Lexa inquired. 

 

“He’ll probably keep looking for it, he’ll just have to be more discreet about it,” Clarke explained. “Maybe we should put him on the wrong track to keep him busy for a while?”

 

“That’s only a temporary solution,” Lexa protested. “And if he found out that we lied to him, he’d immediately suspect us. Can we kill him?”

 

“Lexa, no,” Clarke laughed, though the idea had crossed her mind once or twice. “So... What do we do?”

 

“We wait for him to make his move,” Lexa said grimly. “If he makes his move, that is.”

 

Hoping that it would calm them both down, Clarke took to braiding Lexa’s hair. The repetitive back and forth, criss-crossing motions made Clarke’s eyelids droop, and she was definitely not as skilled as Lexa, so she just did small braids that would easily get lost among the russet tresses. 

 

“Octavia knows about us,” Clarke admitted guiltily. She noticed Lexa's shoulders tensing slightly. “I didn’t directly tell her, but she just guessed.”

 

“Do you trust her still?” Lexa asked, seemingly unfazed by this information. 

 

“Yeah, I think so,” Clarke agreed. Lexa slumped back against Clarke. 

 

“Then it’s not a problem,” Lexa assured, tilting her head back to look up at Clarke. Clarke smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

 

\---

 

“Okay, so I did the hair braiding thing- help me find some flowers,” Clarke said to Octavia, the following morning. Lexa had gone off to visit one of the Ocean Nation, to make sure everything was in order, so there was no risk of getting caught. 

 

“It’s impossible to get any work done when you’re constantly berating me for relationship advice,” Octavia protested. 

 

“Do you actually have work to do?” 

 

“No, but one day, I will, and you’ll have to work through this yourself,” Octavia grumbled, letting Clarke haul her up to her feet. 

 

The forest was alive with the chatter of birds and the soft whisper of the wind rustling through the leaves of the treetops. Somewhere, a creek babbled in the distance. Everything was green, and when Clarke closed her eyes, all she felt was peace. 

 

“So have you done any of this with Lincoln?” Clarke asked as they started wandering off the beaten path caused by years of the Trikru using this forest for hunting and gathering. 

 

“He’s braided my hair a couple times,” Octavia admitted, smiling almost shyly. It was a different side of Octavia that Clarke wasn’t used to seeing. “We talked about it and we agreed that now wouldn’t be a good time to get into all that, but maybe since you and Lexa...” 

 

She trailed off and Clarke could see her considering the idea. The younger girl’s eyes lit up and suddenly there was a sense of purpose in her stride. 

 

After half a day’s worth of walking, the forest cleared into a meadow. Clarke recognized it- they were dangerously close to where Mount Weather was. The grass was dotted with different colours of flowers: daisies, violets, black eyed susans... Clarke wished she’d brought some art supplies with her. Perhaps she’d come back someday. An image of spending an afternoon with Lexa in the meadow was created in her mind and Clarke knew she wouldn’t feel peace until she got it down on paper. 

 

“Any specific flowers we’re looking for?” Clarke asked when she found her breath once again. 

 

“Doesn’t matter, as long as they’re all the same colour,” Octavia said, already bending down to pluck some flowers of her own. 

 

Clarke settled on a theme of yellow flowers, since they were the most abundant. Once she gathered enough, she settled down in the soft grass to weave them into a crown. 

 

“I can’t believe the Commander of Death is sitting in a meadow, making a flower crown for her girlfriend,” Octavia laughed. 

 

“Don’t call me that,” Clarke mumbled, focusing on the flowers rather than Mount Weather. It was hard to keep the negativity out of her brain, especially in such close proximity to it, and Octavia’s comments didn’t help much. 

 

“It was just a joke,” Octavia replied. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay,” Clarke said, taking a deep breath and letting it go. She closed her eyes and breathed in the sunshine on her face, the smell of the meadow, the slight breeze that stirred the grass... And once again, she felt okay. 

 

\---

 

“I got you something,” Clarke said excitedly when Lexa returned from the Ocean Nation that night. Lexa’s tired expression turned to something more inquisitive. Clarke walked over to the window sill where she’d been keeping the flower crown while she waited for Lexa to return. She lifted it carefully and carried it back to the doorway where Lexa was. “May I?”

 

Lexa smiled and bowed her head so that Clarke could place it on her head. 

 

“I’m flattered, but in our culture, there are certain implications-”

 

“I know what it means, Lexa,” Clarke said, watching Lexa’s eyes widen a little in the dark of Clarke’s room. “Octavia explained it to me. But were you planning on telling me that you were getting ready to propose to  _ me?  _ The flowers at breakfast the other day, the braiding...” 

 

“Clarke, I understand your confusion, but I wasn’t planning on proposing yet,” Lexa explained, blushing. All Clarke heard was the word ‘yet’. “I hadn’t expected you to understand our ways so thoroughly, so the flowers were just a gesture, not a proposal.”

 

There was a brief pause before Lexa calmly added, “Unless you want it to be.”

 

“Lexa, I’m not ready to get  _ married,”  _ Clarke laughed nervously. “When Octavia said that you were planning on proposing I nearly fell off my horse, I was so shocked. Pleasantly shocked, of course, but still shocked. But in a year or so, let’s have this conversation again.”

 

“I’m sorry that you misinterpreted my actions,” Lexa said. “But yes, in some time, I hope we will reconsider the idea.” 

 

Unable to stand being apart from Lexa any longer, Clarke wrapped her arms around her waist and held on tight. At first, Lexa seemed startled, but soon relaxed into the hug and held Clarke just as tightly. 

 

\---

 

“Heda, we have to prepare for-” Titus’ voice cut off abruptly as he came across the Commander tangled up in bed with Clarke. It was an innocent enough scene, both were clothed and sleeping peacefully, but it was still awkward. 

 

“What is it?” Lexa asked, unfazed by the situation. She sat up, but kept one hand on Clarke’s thigh, almost daring Titus to comment on it. 

 

“The one that  _ your people  _ call Pike is here,” he said with a nod to Clarke, who was sitting up as well. “He wants to speak with you. I told him that you were occupied but he wouldn’t hear it. He’s being contained but you must deal with the situation immediately.”

 

“Very well,” Lexa said. If she was afraid, her voice gave away no indication of it. “Leave us to get dressed.” 

 

Once Titus left, Lexa turned to face Clarke. 

 

“Lexa, I swear, I had no idea this would happen,” Clarke said, her heart jumping into her throat. She was suddenly  _ very  _ aware of the fact that she was in bed with someone who could kill her in twenty different ways with just her bare hands. 

 

“Don’t worry, I’m not angry with you,” Lexa assured, pressing a gentle kiss to Clarke’s forehead. “Pike will face proper punishment for trespassing on my land. He will no longer be a threat to us.”

 

“How are you so calm? What if he’s here to try and attack you?” Clarke asked. 

 

“I do not worry myself with ‘what ifs’,” Lexa explained. “I prepare myself for the worst case scenario, and go from there. Plus, I have the mighty Wanheda at my mercy.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes but allowed the nickname to slip, for the second time. There was a serenity and steadiness to Lexa’s voice that made the name sound endearing, and the fond way that she looked at Clarke while saying it made her realize that she could even grow to embrace it. Only from Lexa, of course. 

 

“You said that you’re the Commander, and that nobody fights for you,” Clarke said softly. “I’m no one.”

 

Lexa beamed, and opened her mouth to say more when Titus knocked on the glass door, signaling them to hurry up. Somewhat frantically, but still in a composed and fluid fashion, Lexa quickly dressed herself. Clarke helped her with the excessive amount of buckles and straps. 

 

“Are you going back to bed?” Lexa asked, smearing on some war paint when Clarke suggested it. “He is, after all, one of your people.”

 

“Like I’d let you go without me,” Clarke scoffed, tugging on a pair of jeans and a shirt that was laying on the floor somewhere. She then helped Lexa quickly braid her hair, combing out the tangles gently with her fingers. 

 

As they left the comfort of Clarke’s bedroom, Titus gave them an impatient look, but settled down when Lexa raised her eyebrows at him. It made Clarke wonder how long they’d known each other, or if they used to be close. But she didn’t comment on it. 

 

\---

 

“Chancellor Pike,” Lexa said, effectively making her presence known. Everyone in the room turned to look at her, including Pike. He was being held back by two warriors, but he made no effort to lunge at her. Since Emerson, Clarke had learned to be wary of uninvited guests. 

 

“Lexa,” Pike greeted, and Clarke couldn’t help but recoil at the way he addressed her so informally. Of course, he’d have no way of understanding the amount of power Lexa held, or the respect she warranted, but hearing the use of her first name seemed offensive. “I come in peace.” 

 

Clarke nearly laughed out loud, but chewed on the inside of her lip to keep quiet. Lexa gave him a calculated look. 

 

“I should hope so,” Lexa said, raising her eyebrows just slightly. “You are neglecting the terms of your banishment. Give me a reason I shouldn’t kill you here, on the spot.” 

 

“Would your people really settle for that? What happened to blood must not have blood?” Pike asked, narrowing his eyes, completely unphased by the position that he was in. Clarke had lost track of who knew what, but she was fairly certain that she hadn’t told Pike about Lexa’s new policy. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach at the idea that Pike could have an inside man. 

 

“The terms were clear,” Lexa said. “If you were caught trespassing on our land, we were to kill you. That was  _ your  _ people’s idea, not mine. I agreed to abide by these terms, so I’ll ask you one more time. Give me a reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now.”

 

“Your people have to leave here,” Pike said, and Clarke couldn’t keep her jaw from dropping. After everything that had happened to Pike because of his insane ideas, he still wanted to try and claim the land. “Or I’ll take it.” 

 

“You alone, or...?” Lexa trailed off as Pike gave a nod to someone behind Clarke and Lexa. Clarke turned and saw the flash of metal before she heard the gun. She immediately dove towards Lexa, pushing her out of the way, but not nearly fast enough. The warriors holding Pike pushed him back against the brick wall, pinning him there with the points of their swords, while other warriors waded into the audience to find the shooter. 

 

Clarke’s hands searched Lexa frantically for the entry wound from the bullet, and was met with sticky black blood at Lexa’s waist. Luckily, it hadn’t pierced any vital organs, so Lexa’s body would still be able to function properly while Clarke tried to help her. 

 

“Clarke,” Lexa said, her green eyes round and glassy with fear. 

 

“Don’t worry, you’re going to be fine,” Clarke insisted, though her voice trembled as much as her hands. It was difficult to unbuckle the jacket when her hands were shaking like leaves. “I need something to stop the bleeding!”

 

A healer was ushered into the room as the onlookers were ushered out. Clarke moved aside to give the healer room to do their job, but kept her hands firmly on the wound to minimize blood loss until the healer was ready to work. 

 

“Who did this?” Lexa demanded, and even in her weakened state she was still a force to be reckoned with. “And how were they able to obtain Skaikru weapons?” 

 

“I don’t know,” Clarke said, brushing back Lexa’s hair. “We’ll worry about that later, okay? Right now we have to get you cleaned up.” 

 

“Surely blood must not have blood wouldn’t apply if someone tried to assassinate me, right?” Lexa asked, and Clarke could hear a bit of panic in Lexa’s voice. 

 

“If you’re asking my permission to kill him, my answer is yes,” Clarke replied stiffly. This was why they called her the Commander of Death. “When you’ve healed.” 

 

Lexa nodded and closed her eyes for a brief moment, clenching her jaw. But not once did she complain about pain. The healer said something in Trigedasleng, and Lexa just nodded grimly. Lexa’s hand patted the floor beside her, searching, and Clarke instantly grasped it between both of her own. 

 

“It’s going to be okay, I’m here-”

 

_ “Get him out of here!”  _ Lexa roared furiously, despite being seriously wounded and bleeding out on the floor. Her voice contained so much force that Clarke was actually taken aback. No one hesitated to escort Pike down to the dungeon. 

 

“I appreciate that you’re a strong leader and you can’t look vulnerable ever, but you’re going to have to calm down and be a little vulnerable right now, okay?” Clarke said, squeezing Lexa’s hand tightly. “You’ll just exhaust yourself if you’re trying to be the Commander right now.” 

 

Lexa nodded, grimacing as the healer opened Lexa’s jacket and shirt to reveal where the bullet had pierced the skin. Clarke tried to keep a neutral expression as the healer dug his bare hands into the bullet wound, fishing around until his fingers grasped the bullet. Lexa’s grip on Clarke’s hand tightened, and while Clarke couldn’t feel her hand at all, her heart felt a little fuzzy. 

 

Letting the bullet clatter to the floor beside him, the healer then applied some kind of salve to the wound, then stitched it up. He gave Lexa some instructions in Trigedasleng, at one point nodding to Clarke, at which point, Lexa actually smiled fondly, and Clarke wished she knew more of the language. 

 

“Let’s get you to bed, you need to rest,” Clarke said when the healer dismissed himself. 

 

“That’s what he said too,” Lexa said, letting Clarke help her to her feet. “Unfortunately, I do not have time to rest. I need to be at the-”

 

“You’re staying in bed, even if I have to hold you down until you’re better,” Clarke insisted, swooping Lexa’s legs out from under her and carrying her up the stairs to her floor. When she’d first landed on the ground, she’d barely been able to carry a load of firewood for a long distance, but months of gruelling labour had toned her muscles. However, despite her recent strength, carrying Lexa that far was still a struggle. She’d never admit it though. 

 

“I think I’d like that,” Lexa said as Clarke led her over to her bed. “Spending all day in bed with you.” 

  
“Your wish is my command,” Clarke replied, snuggling in beside her. “But for now, go to sleep. It’s going to take a lot of energy to heal that. I’ll be here when you wake up.”


	4. Chapter 4

If there’s one thing that Clarke learned about Lexa, it was that she didn’t heal easily. 

 

Between getting out of bed when she wasn’t supposed to, and trying to sneak away to council meetings, Lexa had pulled her stitches twice. While she insisted that she felt fine and that she didn’t need help, Clarke could tell by the pained expressions that Lexa was not ready to be mobile. 

 

And then the infection hit. 

 

Clarke could tell that something was wrong when she woke up in the middle of the night and Lexa was still in bed, without protest and sleeping quite soundly. She pressed the back of her hand to Lexa’s forehead and found it to be quite hot. Lexa stirred in her sleep, but didn’t wake up completely. Another bad sign. 

 

“Lexa, wake up,” Clarke said softly, shaking her shoulder gently. “I need to check your wound.”

 

Lexa’s eyes cracked open just enough so that Clarke wouldn’t feel uncomfortable lifting the hem of her shirt to check the wound. She peeled back the bandage tentatively, already knowing what she would find. The skin around the bandage was red and hot to the touch, and when she looked at the wound itself, pus oozed out and sure enough, another stitch had been pulled.

 

“Lexa, are you serious? Where did you even go last night- I was here the whole time!” Clarke exclaimed, feeling frustrated. Lexa gave no reply, and when Clarke looked back at her, she had already gone back to sleep. Clarke gave her shoulder a shake. “Lexa, wake up.”

 

Again, Lexa’s eyes opened just a little, staring blankly at Clarke as if she were staring right through her. 

 

“Not feeling so good,” Lexa slurred, her eyes falling shut again. Clarke held back an ‘I told you so’, and walked to the washroom to fetch a cloth and some water. She pressed the cool cloth to Lexa’s forehead, and her eyes brightened a little. “Am I healing?”

 

“Nope, pretty much the exact opposite,” Clarke remarked, using her free hand to trail her hand along Lexa’s jawline tenderly. “How can one person inflict so much damage on themselves in just a day?”

 

“You’d be surprised,” Lexa replied grimly, her eyes becoming vacant again. “It hurts.” 

 

Suddenly, Clarke’s heart dropped a little. Of course she had been concerned about Lexa from the moment she got shot, but hearing Lexa admit that she was hurting meant a lot. Clarke felt renewed with vengeance for whoever did this to her. 

 

“I know it does,” Clarke said, brushing back Lexa’s hair. “I’m going to go get someone who knows what they’re doing to come in and deal with this, okay?”

 

Though Clarke was reluctant to leave Lexa alone in this state, staying by her side clearly wasn’t helping either. She ran out to the guards and explained the situation. They nodded and sent for a healer to come immediately. 

 

This healer was different than the one who was on the scene when Lexa was shot initially. He was older and had a long beard that tapered out at the ends and big eyes that bulged out a little which made his other features look impossibly small. Clarke explained Lexa’s condition to him as they ran up the spiral staircase to Lexa’s bedroom. 

 

However, when they entered, Lexa looked even worse than when Clarke had left. She was paler and each breath looked like an effort. 

 

“Clarke,” Lexa said, her voice desperate, as the healer prepared to treat Lexa. Clarke rushed to her side, taking her hand in both of hers. 

 

“I’m here,” Clarke said, her voice shaking. She reminded herself that Lexa wasn’t  _ actually  _ dying, that it was just an infection, and that it was easily treatable. 

 

“You look like an angel,” Lexa breathed, slipping in and out of her native tongue. Clarke smiled a little. Lexa’s eyes watered as she whispered,  _ “Ai gonplei ste odon.” _

 

“No, I won’t accept that.” Clarke couldn’t help but cry like a baby when she heard those words from Lexa. She knew that the Commander was just being theatrical, but the possibility of it being a reality was frightening. The healer, rolling his eyes at his Heda’s words, carried over a bowl of water that smelled of herbs, and nonchalantly pulled back Lexa’s shirt to reveal the infected wound. 

 

“You’re going to be okay, just hang on a little longer,” Clarke insisted, but she couldn’t have sounded that convincing through her sniffling and crying. 

 

The healer said nothing as he dipped a rag in this special water and suddenly started scrubbing at the wound. Lexa cried out in pain and squeezed Clarke’s hand with such force that Clarke swore she felt the bones move beneath her skin. So much for being almost dead. 

 

“Hey, can you be a little more gentle?” Clarke said to the healer, but he didn’t even spare a glance at her. 

 

“He doesn’t speak your language,” Lexa explained when he stopped scrubbing for a moment to re-rinse his rag. She repeated Clarke’s words in Trigedasleng, and the man nodded. 

 

Finally, the man put some kind of poultice on the wound before putting a new bandage on it. He muttered something to Lexa, and left promptly afterwards with a grim expression on his face. 

 

“What did he say?” Clarke asked. 

 

“If I make it through the night, I will live,” Lexa replied, her eyes becoming vacant once more. They both fell silent for a moment. 

 

“Tell me a story,” Clarke said, and Lexa regarded her with curious eyes, but obliged. They spent the whole night exchanging stories, and when the morning sun peeked through the window, Clarke felt overwhelmed with relief. It wasn’t until then that Clarke let Lexa go to sleep.

 

\---

 

After that night, Clarke refused to leave Lexa’s side until she could see the skin healing, which was when Lexa was finally allowed to leave the room to attend meetings and visit with her people. The Nightbloods would all gather in Lexa’s room in the afternoons, so that Lexa would be able to continue with their teaching. It was unorthodox, but it worked. 

 

Amidst the chaos that was Lexa’s recovery, she was still determined to find out who had shot her. 

 

“Has Pike said anything yet?” Lexa asked Clarke one afternoon. Since Clarke was the ambassador of the Skaikru, she was responsible for interrogating him. 

 

“No,” Clarke admitted. “He doesn’t respect me. Doesn’t think I have what it takes to make him talk.”

 

“He underestimates your strength,” Lexa commented, and Clarke just nodded, looking down at the floor. “Do I need to step in?”

 

“No, I can handle this,” Clarke insisted, crossing her arms. “I just need to show him what I’m capable of.” 

 

“Do your worst,” Lexa said with a hint of pride in her tone. 

 

\---

 

Clarke walked down to the dungeons apprehensively, turning her knife over and over in her hands until she felt the confidence she needed to exude. She thought of Lexa and the pain that she was put in because of Pike, and that was all that she needed. 

 

“I’m going to ask you nicely, one last time. Who shot Lexa?” Clarke demanded, storming into the cell and crossing her arms behind her back and lifting her chin, trying to be as intimidating as Lexa could be. 

 

“Lexa deserved it. She left our people to die,” Pike sneered, and that was all it took for Clarke to lunge at him. She grabbed him by the throat and threw him up against the wall, pressing the blade of her knife to his throat. 

 

“Say that again, I dare you,” Clarke growled, baring her teeth at him. 

 

“Ah, it all makes sense now,” Pike remarked, still smug despite the circumstances. “You’re more Grounder than you are an Arker, aren’t you?”

 

Clarke tightened her grip on his neck, but didn’t press too hard. Only Lexa would be allowed to kill him. But Clarke could make his life miserable. Her fist met his gut, and she tried to overlook the fact that she was glad he curled in on himself. 

 

“I’m doing what’s right for my people,” Clarke insisted, though she wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince him or herself. 

 

“So am I,” Pike argued. “Lexa is doing what’s right for hers. And no matter what she says, she will sacrifice our people again and again.”

 

“Enough,” Clarke said, tightening her grip on his neck. “Who shot Lexa?”

 

“I’m not telling,” Pike insisted, his voice stretched thin because of Clarke’s hand on his vocal chords. Again, Clarke’s other fist connected with his side. 

 

“How did you turn them against her?” Clarke asked. 

 

“Like I said, it’s what was best for her people,” Pike reiterated. And then it occurred to Clarke. There were still people who didn’t approve of Lexa, despite everything she’d done to prove that she was worthy of being the Commander.

 

“I want you to feel what she feels,” Clarke admitted darkly, hitting him over and over again. It felt good to get her frustration out, but she also felt disappointed in herself for resorting to violence like this. 

 

“Clarke,” came a gentle voice from outside the cell. Clarke lowered her hand in shame, tears streaking down her face. Lexa entered the cell with her hands behind her back, but Clarke kept her knife pressed to Pike’s throat. She wasn’t going to give him a second chance to hurt Lexa. 

 

“You have two options, Pike,” Lexa said, her voice cold and detached. “Either you die a miserable, tortured death from forty-nine cuts by my hand, or you answer Clarke’s question and die by one cut from hers.”

 

Clarke pressed the knife to Pike’s throat for emphasis. He looked between the two and let out a ragged breath. 

 

“I’m not saying a word,” Pike said stubbornly. Lexa nodded. 

 

“Very well,” she said nonchalantly. “Then tomorrow night, you will die.”

 

\---

 

Once they were out of earshot, Clarke grabbed Lexa by the wrist and pulled her down an abandoned corridor. 

 

“You’re just going to kill him before he says anything? We could never know who the shooter was,” Clarke reminded Lexa. 

 

“You’re letting your emotions get the best of you,” Lexa warned, her eyes threatening in the dark. “It doesn’t matter who the shooter was, because Pike was the one orchestrated this assassination attempt.”

 

“They could try to hurt you again,” Clarke insisted, trying not to take Lexa’s tone personally. “I can’t lose you.”

 

Lexa softened considerably, but Clarke could tell that she was still wary. Lexa’s thumb brushed over Clarke’s knuckles.

 

“We are Commanders first, and our people must always come before whatever we feel for each other,” Lexa reminded Clarke gently. Clarke remembered what Lexa had said about Costia... Killed and tortured by the Azgeda, and yet they were accepted into the Coalition.

 

“I’m sorry, Heda,” Clarke said in a colder tone, because in that moment, it wasn’t Lexa her love that she was speaking to, it was Lexa the Commander of the Twelve Armies. 

 

“Clarke,” Lexa said in a pleading tone. Clarke had been ready to storm off but Lexa’s hand tightened around hers. “I have upset you. That was not my intention. I don’t want our people to think that we are weak because of our relationship.”

 

Then Clarke realized, that all of Lexa’s life, she had been indoctrinated with the belief that love was weakness, and by going against that belief, she was yet again, defying her people’s traditions. Along with all the other paradigms that Lexa had broken during her leadership, it was clear why she was reluctant to go against this one. 

 

“It’s alright, I understand,” Clarke said in a softer voice, taking Lexa’s other hand. “And I love you even more for it.” 

 

Lexa’s smile lit up the darkness, and Clarke couldn’t help but press her lips to Lexa’s. Though she was met with initial hesitation, she felt Lexa’s body relax against hers. Lexa moved to lift Clarke against the wall when Clarke pulled away.

 

“You’re still healing,” Clarke protested, pressing a finger to Lexa’s lips. Lexa made a noise of frustration, which only made Clarke smile. Clarke lifted Lexa and pressed her up against the wall and found her lips again. She felt Lexa’s legs wrap around her waist, tugging her closer as they kissed. Lexa’s hands got tangled in Clarke’s hair, and Clarke was just starting to undo the back of Lexa’s shirt as she had countless times when Lexa made a different sound. One of hurt. 

 

Immediately, Clarke backed off, and Lexa nearly fell to the floor with the sudden loss of Clarke’s body against hers. 

 

“Clarke, I’m okay, really,” Lexa insisted, but Clarke just shook her head.

 

“I’m not,” Clarke replied, pulling her hands away from Lexa’s so that she wouldn’t know how much they were shaking. “I thought I’d lost you, Lex.”

 

Lexa’s eyes lowered, and she pulled her hair to one side to reveal her scar once again, reminding Clarke of the tattoo on the back of her neck.

 

“As long as the flame exists, I will be with you,” Lexa assured. “Perhaps not physically, but we would be able to communicate through the next Commander. I hear everything that the Commanders of the past say to me. That is why we are able to lead at such a young age. That is why you may have faith in Aden.”

 

“And if that isn’t enough,” Lexa continued, stepping closer to Clarke and laying her hand over Clarke’s heart. “I will always be with you, here.”

 

Clarke lifted her hand to cover Lexa’s, internalizing her words. She bowed her head a little. 

 

“You vowed to treat my needs as your own,” Clarke said, her voice just above a whisper. Her breath still hitched when she thought about that intimate moment.

 

“I haven’t forgotten,” Lexa assured. 

 

“I need you,” Clarke replied, closing the space between them again. 

 

\---

 

It was time for Pike’s execution, and a handful of people from Arkadia had come to watch. While they weren’t thrilled about Pike’s death, they didn’t exactly protest it either. The Arkers, unlike many of the Grounders, respected Lexa’s authority, and didn’t question it when Clarke explained the whole situation, including the assassination attempt.

 

Clarke stood proudly next to Lexa’s throne as Pike was brought in. She was wary of the guards that held either one of Pike’s arms, unsure of how loyal they were to Lexa. She had a weapon on her, just in case. 

 

Before the execution, Lexa made a speech outlining how blood must not have blood had it’s limits, and since Pike hadn’t responded to the terms of his banishment, he had earned his death. She asked the audience if anyone objected, and thankfully, no one did. 

 

Each cut that Lexa made was slow and deliberate, and after each cut, she gave him an opportunity to end his suffering by just saying who shot her, but even when he teetered on the edge of death, he said nothing. Lexa delivered the last cut to his throat. The guards that had brought him in took his body out to the square where it would burn. No one but Lexa stayed to watch that part. 

 

And so, after her people were set on their way back to Arkadia, escorted by grounders, Clarke found herself by Lexa’s side once again, watching another body burn. She didn’t really want to be out in the cool night air, but she wouldn’t get any sleep without Lexa. 

 

“Why are you watching this? I thought only those who were close to the victim would stay to watch this part,” Clarke asked, crossing her arms to keep warm. 

 

“Out of respect,” Lexa replied curtly, staring at the fire before her. “There is no one else here to mourn him, and I feel obligated to be here with him as his spirit is freed.”

 

Clarke didn’t reply, but stared into the fire until her eyes burnt from the smoke. Eventually, the remains of Pike’s body were reduced to ash, and Lexa started walking towards her bed chamber. She no longer had to request Clarke’s presence at night- those who guarded Lexa’s room were familiar with Clarke’s face and their irregular sleeping arrangements. 

 

Clarke slipped into bed beside Lexa, snuggling close until their arms were wrapped around each other. 

 

“Are you alright now,  _ Wanheda?”  _ Lexa asked, staring at Clarke intently in the dark. In this moment, Clarke could hide nothing from Lexa, even if she wanted to. 

 

“Why do you still call me that?” Clarke replied, not out of irritation but rather, curiosity. “You know that’s not who I am.”

 

“Would you prefer something else?” Lexa offered.  _ “Ai kwin, ai hodnes, ai keryon-” _

 

“All of them,” Clarke laughed, her heart fluttering at the idea of them. “And what should I call you?”

 

“You haven’t answered my first question, Clarke,” Lexa pointed out sternly. “Are you alright?”

  
“Yes,” Clarke breathed out. She felt every breath that Lexa took by the gentle rise and fall that lifted and lowered Clarke’s arm on her waist. “I think I’m alright.”


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke was about to leave the comfort of Lexa’s bedroom to visit Arkadia once more. It never got easier, especially when she was frequently concerned about Lexa’s safety. The threat of Pike was gone, but there were still others out there that wished harm on their Commander. 

 

“Wait,” Lexa said, snatching Clarke’s wrist. “Let me do your makeup.”

 

Clarke raised her eyebrows. The only time that Lexa had ever done her makeup was for special occasions, and this was not one. 

 

“What for?” Clarke asked. She pressed a quick kiss to Lexa’s lips. “I know you don’t want me to leave, but I’m always going to come back, okay?”

 

Lexa’s grip slackened and Clarke found herself gasping Lexa’s hand. 

 

“I wouldn’t leave if I thought you were in danger still,” Clarke assured, though she was lying. She knew Lexa was at risk now more than ever, but ever since she had been shot, her personal security had been doubled at Clarke’s insistence. Lexa laughed.

 

“Clarke, I can handle myself,” Lexa pointed out. “It’s not my safety I’m concerned about- it’s yours. Your people may not take so kindly to Pike’s execution.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it,” Clarke replied after a pause, purposely avoiding the issue at hand. She was well aware of the fact that while she had her supporters at Arkadia, there were just as many, if not more, who disagreed with her decisions. “Besides, no one is going to mess with Heda’s girlfriend.”

 

Lexa smiled sadly. Clarke kissed her on the cheek before she left the room with an ache in her heart.

 

She found Octavia milling about, riding her horse around in circles at the outskirts of the market. 

 

“Took you long enough! Why can’t you just say goodbye and move on?” Octavia snapped. “You two are just too sentimental.”

 

“Like it doesn’t take you twenty minutes to say goodbye to Lincoln,” Clarke replied, swinging up onto the horse that she borrowed from Lexa. 

 

“It doesn’t! We hug, we say goodbye, that’s it.  _ You  _ on the other hand, recite vows, hug, make out, do each other’s hair, swap sweaters, say goodbye, and then repeat four times,” Octavia pointed out, rolling her eyes as they rode away from Polis. Clarke couldn’t even deny it. She purposely left one of her shirts draped on the arm of a chair in Lexa’s room, and found one of Lexa’s in her pack. 

 

“I feel like I should point out that she just got shot a couple weeks ago,” Clarke reminded her friend.

“I can’t believe you just played that card,” Octavia groaned, rolling her eyes. Clarke grinned, knowing that she had won. 

 

\---

 

The news of Pike’s execution was met with mixed reactions. Of course, those who supported him weren’t too pleased, especially those who weren’t keen on the alliance. Others agreed that he deserved it, but were upset that they weren’t invited to watch the execution. Those who had attended, didn’t say much at all either way.

 

Most importantly, Marcus Kane was in support of Clarke’s decision, which tamed the more opinionated people. 

 

“So that’s it? You’re just going to kill everyone who doesn’t agree with you?” asked Bellamy once Clarke had adjourned the meeting. 

 

“That’s  _ not  _ what this was about,” Clarke insisted, offended by the implication. 

 

“Right, of course,” Bellamy agreed, but there was an edge to his tone that made Clarke uncomfortable. “You’re just trying to protect your Grounder princess, aren’t you?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke muttered. She didn’t really mean it, but it was what Bellamy needed to hear. Red-faced in anger, Octavia approached them, having overheard their conversation.

 

“You have some nerve, talking to me about killing people, when you were part of a group that slaughtered three-hundred innocent people, who were sent here to  _ protect  _ you!” Octavia shouted in Clarke’s defense.

 

“How is that any different than what happened at the mountain? There were children in there, and Clarke-” Bellamy cut himself off. Octavia looked at Clarke, her expression shifting from one of rage to a softer, more supportive one.

 

“You think I don’t know that?” Clarke asked, her voice quieter than before. She wouldn’t admit it, but his words hurt her, especially considering how much she used to rely on him. “I think about it every day! The difference is, I’m trying to make peace, and make things right so that I don’t have to do anything like that ever again, but you would have! If Pike hadn’t been impeached.” 

 

“You’re off doing what’s right for you and Lexa, while I’m over here doing what’s right for our people! The grounders will  _ never  _ ally with us, and we have to assert ourselves while we still have the upperhand!” Bellamy insisted. 

 

“You’re right,” Clarke hissed bitterly. “The grounders  _ won’t  _ trust us, not as long as we continue massacring their people! And if you think I’m not doing all of this for our people, you’re mistaken. The alliance won’t work if I’m not at Polis, advocating for us.”

 

“Enough,” said Octavia. “Obviously you guys aren’t going to reach an agreement on this, and I’d rather not see you two beat each other up.” 

 

Clarke stormed off, unable to keep her composure. She busied herself with mundane tasks among her people, asking about day-to-day life, how things could be improved, how things had improved since they had joined the coalition, etcetera. 

 

“Clarke?” said the familiar voice of her mother. “Chancellor Kane would like to speak with you.”

 

“Right, of course,” Clarke said, wiping her hands off on her pants. “I’ll be right there.”

 

“I heard about your fight with Bellamy,” Abby said. “Are you alright?”

 

The question took her by surprise- she couldn’t recall the last time anyone other than Lexa had asked about her personal well-being. 

 

“I’m fine,” Clarke insisted. She couldn’t afford to come across as weak around her own people. “I’ll see you tonight for dinner.”

 

“Aren’t you going back to Polis tonight?” Abby asked, furrowing her eyebrows. 

 

“Bellamy might be an ass, but he did have a point,” Clarke explained. “I can’t do as much for my people if I’m not understanding their struggles. I’m going to spend a couple days here before I go back.”

 

Abby grinned, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile back. She hadn’t seen her mother smile like that since they had been on the Ark together. 

 

\---

 

Her added time at Arkadia also gave her time to assess the Jaha situation. Of course she’d by now heard of the City of Light pills that he’d been passing around- even offering one to her. Though the offer was tempting, or rather, she just wanted to take one so that Jaha would leave her alone, she politely declined. 

 

However, as the days went by, his attempts became more and more aggressive. Cornering her in dark hallways, forcing the pill into the palm of her hands, and nearly trying to force it in her mouth if she hadn’t punched him in the gut to get away. She felt some guilt about having to use such measures on her former Chancellor, but she reminded herself that she was only acting in self-defense, and her actions were justified. 

 

“Mom, we need to get this situation under control,” Clarke said urgently. “It’s not safe and it’s definitely not appropriate anymore.” 

 

She bit her tongue to keep from spilling all of Lexa’s concerns about Jaha. Suddenly, killing him was starting to seem like the best option. 

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Abby admitted. “But I agree, he is out of control. This isn’t the Thelonious I used to know and respect.”

 

“Can we arrest him?” Clarke asked, only half joking. “He tried to force one of those pills down my throat and I have a feeling that isn’t the first time he’s done that to someone.”

 

“You’d have to talk to Marcus about that, since he is the Chancellor,” Abby said, sounding concerned. “Are you alright?”

 

“I had to punch him,” Clarke confessed, not missing the way that her mother called Kane by his first name. The same way that Clarke was allowed to address Lexa by her first name.

 

\---

 

After hearing of Jaha’s aggressive actions, Kane had Jaha placed in a detention cell. Clarke couldn’t help but wonder how he was even elected to be Chancellor in the first place- during his time on the ground, Jaha had spent more time locked up than he did otherwise. She didn’t dare say those words out loud, although she knew Lexa would appreciate it. 

 

She took the opportunity to search Jaha’s living quarters. She might not be able to stop him from looking for the chip in Lexa’s head, but she could at least stop him from spreading the pills around if she could destroy them.

 

She found them in a hollow section of the wall, poorly hidden behind some cloth draped over it. It was the first thing her eye was drawn to in the room. She stuffed the box of neatly stacked pills into her pack, and left without leaving any sign of her presence. 

 

However, just as she exited the room, she found herself bumping into Jaha. 

 

“You’re many things Clarke, but I never took you for a thief,” said the older man, who seemed to tower over her despite not being that much taller. 

 

“What are you gonna do? Float me?” Clarke asked venomously. “Send me to a planet assumed uninhabitable? Electrocute me?”

 

“Just hand over the box and we’ll act like nothing happened,” Jaha replied calmly. Clarke clutched the strap of her bag a little tighter. 

 

“I can’t do that,” Clarke said. “Not when you’re threatening my people with them.”

 

“They aren’t yours,” he said, and before she could figure out if he was talking about the pills or people, he grasped her arm. Almost immediately, she tried to shrug her arm free, but his grip only tightened. She felt her blood boiling beneath her skin, and lifted her hand to fight back, when another voice interrupted their encounter. 

 

“Let her go,  _ now,”  _ said Bellamy. Clarke looked at him with disbelief. Jaha released her arm, but the anger didn’t leave his expression. “You’re not supposed to be out here.”

 

“That’s some way to address your former-”

 

“You lost our respect when you left us on some adventure to find the City of Light,” Bellamy said matter-of-factly as he handcuffed him.

 

“Thank you,” Clarke said. “I’m sorry about earlier-”

 

“No, don’t be,” Bellamy said. “I’m sorry. I was being a jerk. Don’t beat yourself up about being away all the time- you’re doing a good job.”

 

She couldn’t help but be taken aback by his words. She was so used to being the one apologizing all the time, and it felt strange to have her feelings validated like that. She thanked him again before he started walking Jaha back to his cell. 

 

Adjusting her bag so that it lay flat against her, she decided that it was time to go back to Polis. Maybe for good. Of course, that wouldn’t be logical- especially when the largest factor in her decision making process was her relationship with Lexa. But the back and forth was definitely taking a toll on her emotions, especially when her efforts weren’t always appreciated. 

 

\---

 

“You said you’d be back two days ago,” Lexa said stoically when Clarke walked through the gates of Polis, leading her horse behind her. “Explain yourself.”

 

“There was a situation at Arkadia,” Clarke explained briefly, using every ounce of strength she had to keep from running into Lexa’s arms. “I’ll put this horse away and then we could go for a walk to catch up?”

 

“I’m busy,” Lexa said coldly. “I am Heda- or have you forgotten?”

 

“I haven’t forgotten,” Clarke insisted, aware of the looks she was getting from Lexa’s guards. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

 

Walking her horse towards the stable, Clarke could feel Lexa staring at her. She held back a smirk as she unfastened her horse’s tack and hung it up where she had found it before leaving. 

 

“You publically disrespected our Heda,” accused the gruff voice of a burly man she didn’t recognize. Clarke turned to face him, her knees weak with fear. “You’re just another sky-rat. You may have gotten the approval of Heda, but you’ll never gain ours.”

 

“Enough, Katon,” replied the familiar voice of Lexa. Clarke felt relieved. “She was only teasing.”

 

“Teasing? She’s Skaikru, what gives her the right?” demanded the man, whose anger did not subside. 

 

“Clarke is...,” Lexa paused and glanced at Clarke before continuing. “We are seeing each other, romantically. It should be common knowledge by now- I’m surprised you hadn’t heard, considering the amount of times I’ve caught you gabbing and spreading slander about your fellow comrades.”

 

Suddenly, Katon’s face grew to be bright red, and Clarke was sure that hers matched. She hadn’t expected Lexa to be the one to reveal their relationship- especially without talking to her about it first. Despite being incredibly shocked, she also appreciated this protective side of Lexa.

 

“Pardon me, Heda,” Katon said, excusing himself as he fled the stable. Lexa watched him leave, and then turned to Clarke. 

 

“Sorry, I hope that didn’t make you uncomfortable,” Lexa said in a much softer tone that made Clarke’s heart melt. 

 

“Not at all,” Clarke replied, giving her horse one final pat before leaving the stall.

 

“And Arkadia? Did you travel well?” she asked, somewhat urgently. 

 

“You’ll be glad to know that Jaha has been arrested for trying to assault people into taking the City of Light pills,” Clarke explained. “He won’t be bothering us for some time.”

 

“That’s great news,” Lexa agreed. She paused before adding, “so why do you look so upset?”

 

“Well, my people hate me,” Clarke admitted. “They’re upset that we executed Pike.”

 

“They shouldn’t be. They agreed to banish him,” Lexa replied, her eyebrows scrunched together with confusion and concern. 

 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, but Bellamy...,” she trailed off, unsure of what to say, or even what to feel. Lexa offered her hand, which Clarke eagerly took. “He yelled at me for being here all the time.”

 

“Don’t dwell on his words, Clarke,” Lexa said, her eyes sympathetic when she met Clarke’s solemn gaze. “He doesn’t understand the sacrifices you’ve made. You’ve spent a lot of time apart over the last few months- you’re different, he’s different. And maybe you don’t fit together like you used to. That’s fine. Some people are only meant to be close to you for a certain amount of time.” 

 

“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” Clarke agreed. A rather large part of her was upset that she had drifted apart from Bellamy, though upon remembering his recent actions, she came to realize that the Bellamy she knew now was not the same one that she led her people with so long ago. 

 

Lexa reached out and lifted her chin. 

 

“Don’t fret, let’s have some supper and get you cleaned up. You’ll feel better once you’ve rested,” Lexa suggested. Clarke smiled appreciatively. While meals on the ground at Arkadia had improved significantly with the help of the Grounders upon joining the coalition, the food at Polis was always better. Perhaps due to the fact that she was dining with the Commander, but also because of their years of experience. 

 

\---

 

Supper, as usual, was served in the dining hall, where Lexa’s generals and the other ambassadors ate at one table. The other tables were occupied by the commoners of Polis, and occasionally other clans if they were in the area. There was always food available, courtesy of the chefs who worked around the clock to put food on the table. 

 

Clarke took her regular place beside Lexa, who sat at the head of the table. Across from her was Indra, who still hadn’t completely come around to the idea of Skaikru being in the coalition. A brief word was said, thanking those who participated in putting the meal on the table, before they were allowed to eat. 

 

While everyone spoke among themselves, Clarke felt Lexa’s hand slip into her own under the table. It was hardly the first time it had happened, but it never failed to give Clarke butterflies in her stomach. Lexa gave her the briefest of smiles before returning to her inscrutable mask, which only contributed to Clarke’s butterflies. The idea that the Commander only softened for her made her feel incredibly special, even though she wasn’t really. 

 

“Clarke?” said a voice, in a tone that indicated that they had been trying to get her attention for a while. 

 

“Sorry, pardon?” Clarke said, earning chuckles from around the table. Her face grew hot with embarrassment. 

 

“How was your trip?” asked one of the friendlier ambassadors. 

 

Feeling it would be inappropriate to talk about her personal issues with these people, Clarke  said, “it was fine. My people aren’t thrilled about the death of Pike, but they agree that he deserved punishment for neglecting the terms of his banishment.”

 

“Didn’t they decide on those terms?” replied another ambassador. 

 

“Yes,” Clarke admitted, feeling embarrassed by the immaturity of the sky people. “But they assumed that he would respect our deal and that it wouldn’t come to this.”

 

Sensing the uneasiness at the table, she added, “they should’ve known there was no reasoning when it came to that  _ branwada.” _

 

This earned her several laughs from around the table, and one of Lexa’s generals launched into a story about a fool he had encountered among his travels. 

 

\---

 

After supper, Lexa and Clarke retired to Lexa’s chambers, where a bath was already drawn for Clarke. Now that they had some privacy, Lexa was much more affectionate. Pressing little kisses all over Clarke’s face and neck, her hands roaming everywhere- causing Clarke to laugh for the first time since she left Polis. 

 

“I missed you,” Clarke said, leaning her forehead forward until it touched Lexa’s. “I wish I didn’t have to leave all the time.”

 

“Maybe someday, you and I will owe nothing more to our people,” Lexa replied, doing a horrible imitation of Clarke’s voice. 

 

“Do Commanders ever retire?” Clarke asked, though she already knew the answer. However, a foolish, idealist part of her hoped that one day she’d be able to steal Lexa away and life would truly be about more than just surviving. 

 

“Usually they die before they get the chance,” Lexa explained. “In the past, no Commander has ever willingly stepped down, but it’s not forbidden. They’d live their life as an outcast though.”

 

“So no chance of us running away and living in a little hut at the edge of nowhere?” Clarke asked, only half teasing. 

 

“As appealing as it sounds, it would never happen,” Lexa sighed. “Besides, living at Polis would be much more comfortable for us. If we were wed-”

 

She paused, and Clarke’s lips spread into a grin. 

 

“Go on!” Clarke urged, bumping Lexa with her shoulder. Lexa just rolled her eyes. 

 

“I was  _ going  _ to say, you would become of equal status to me,” Lexa explained. If she was uncomfortable talking about their future, she didn’t show it. “And, we’re safer here. We wouldn’t have to worry about gathering food or always being on guard like we would have to if we lived in a hut at the edge of nowhere, like you suggested.”

 

“I can tell you’ve put a lot of thought into this,” Clarke remarked. Her face hurt from grinning so widely and she couldn’t remember the last time she felt so happy. 

 

“I haven’t! I mean, I’ve considered it- but it’s not like it’s all I think about when you’re away or anything,” Lexa replied defiantly, but she was obviously flustered, and Clarke  _ loved  _ it. “Anyways, you need a bath. You’re way too stressed and you just need to relax.”

 

“Right,  _ I’m  _ the one who’s too stressed,” Clarke laughed, earning another eyeroll from Lexa. “I think you’re just using it as an excuse to take my clothes off.”

 

“Be that as it may,” Lexa replied matter-of-factly. “You’ve had a long trip. I’m not arguing this any further.” 

 

Smirking, Clarke obliged and took off her clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor by the bath tub. Lexa followed, entering the en-suite bathroom just as Clarke sunk into the hot water. 

 

“Okay, maybe I was a little stressed,” Clarke admitted as the warmth relaxed all of her muscles. She shut her eyes and breathed in the smell of lavender. Lexa’s hands reached out from behind Clarke and started massaging her shoulders. Clarke jumped, causing the water to start sloshing around in the tub. 

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Lexa said, withdrawing her hands, but Clarke reached out and snatched them before they got too far away. 

 

“You didn’t,” she insisted. “I was just surprised, that’s all. Please, don’t stop.”

 

Lexa paused, but resumed her work. Clarke settled back against the edge of the tub and closed her eyes again. Once she finished massaging Clarke’s shoulders, she moved to washing Clarke’s hair with soap that also smelled of flowers and more importantly, it smelled like Lexa. 

 

“How are you feeling now?” Lexa asked after a long period of silence had risen between them.

 

“Excellent,” Clarke replied. The smile on her face hadn’t left since she sunk into the bath, and she wondered why she hadn’t done this sooner. “You have magic hands.”

 

“So I’ve been told,” Lexa replied smugly. Clarke turned around abruptly, her smile dropping instantly.  

 

“By who?” she demanded, before she could even think of suppressing any feelings of jealousy. Lexa smirked. 

 

“She’s very beautiful, the one who told me this,” Lexa said fondly. “Our love was forbidden, but that only made it more exciting.”

 

“You never mentioned anyone other than Costia,” Clarke questioned. Lexa nodded. “So it was her, then?”

 

“No,” Lexa replied, letting her hands fall into her lap. 

 

“Is there another person in your life you haven’t told me about? I know we haven’t really said that we were exclusive, but I mean, we’ve said I love you, so I thought it was implied-”

 

“Clarke,” Lexa said, cutting her off. “There isn’t anyone else. You told me that when you were drunk last month after-”

 

“Oh.” Clarke’s face turned beet red, and she turned around again so that Lexa could resume working on her hair. “You think I’m beautiful?”

 

“Of course I do,” Lexa replied, massaging some rosemary oil into Clarke’s hair. Clarke grinned. 

 

“Well, I think you’re beautiful too,” Clarke said without looking at Lexa, and twirling her thumbs underwater. “But you’re not funny.”


	6. Chapter 6

“So wait, you’ve really never been with anyone else, other than me and Costia?” Clarke asked, toweling herself off as the rain pelted down outside, loud enough to be heard through the stone walls. Lexa remained perched on the edge of the draining tub, watching her. 

 

“No,” Lexa admitted, amused by Clarke’s disbelief. “Up until I met you, I believed love was weakness.” 

 

“Even with Costia?” Clarke asked, more as a reminder than anything else. She pulled a nightgown over her head. 

 

“Especially with Costia!” Lexa agreed. “I knew then that what I was doing was wrong. She would always get me into trouble, especially when it came to Titus. But that didn’t stop me from loving her- in fact, I think it made me love her more.”

 

Clarke grinned at the prospect of a younger, more mischievous Lexa. 

 

“You almost made me believe love was weakness,” Clarke admitted. “After Finn, when you first told me about Costia, I thought you had a point.”

 

She stepped towards Lexa, who circled her arms around Clarke’s waist by instinct. 

 

“Luckily, your counter points were very convincing too,” Clarke added, brushing her nose against Lexa’s before kissing her. 

 

They stumbled along until the backs of Lexa’s knees bumped against the edge of the bed. She tugged so that Clarke tumbled down onto the furs with her. Clarke stared down at Lexa, tucking her wet hair behind her ear, and in the moment of distraction, Lexa rolled her over so that she was on top. 

 

Lexa took a moment, staring and scrutinizing every detail of the girl beneath her. Clarke grinned, almost breaking into a laugh when Lexa’s lips crashed down onto hers, their teeth gnashing together due to their wide grins, which just caused Clarke to laugh more. Lexa’s lips wandered to the corner of Clarke’s lips, and then along her jaw, and down to her neck. 

 

Suddenly, a clap of thunder was heard outside, causing Clarke to jolt a little under Lexa. The older girl paused with her displays of affection and gave Clarke a quizzical look. 

 

“The mighty leader of the Skaikru is afraid of thunder?” Lexa pondered, raising her eyebrows and leaning on her elbows over Clarke- who was suddenly realising why Lexa warranted so much reverence from her people. From this close, Lexa truly was threatening, even though Clarke knew that Lexa would never do anything to harm her. 

 

“I am not,” Clarke insisted. Lexa was relentless. “Okay, maybe a little.”

 

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Lexa contended, tenderly tracing the line of Clarke’s jaw. “You’re Skaikru, if anyone shouldn’t be afraid of thunder, it’s you.” 

 

“I couldn’t hear the thunder from the Ark when it was in the sky,” Clarke protested. “I know it’s silly, but I’m just not used to it. And besides, as of late, I feel more like Trikru than Skaikru.”

 

Lexa looked at her with an astonished, but pleased expression. Her lips parted slightly in a fond smile. She pushed herself up so that she was sitting, and drew Clarke into her lap. Her arms wrapped around Clarke’s stomach.

 

“You could join my people someday,” Lexa said, her words hitting the shell of Clarke’s ear so softly that it tickled. “Octavia is essentially one of us now. Don’t tell her that though- Indra likes to use it to her advantage.” 

 

“Maybe when we’re married, I’ll assimilate into your people,” Clarke agreed, smiling. 

 

“You wouldn’t be my  _ people,”  _ Lexa corrected. Her head rested on Clarke’s shoulder. “You would be my person. We call it  _ keryon.”  _

 

Clarke grinned even wider, suddenly unconcerned about the storm that raged outside.

 

“I like the thunder,” Lexa admitted. “Watching the lightning is neat as well.”

 

“The first storm I saw was when I was on my own,” Clarke elaborated, staring at her own hands in her lap. “I watched some lightning strike a tree and set it on fire.”

 

“That rarely happens,” Lexa assured. “And we’re safe here. The stone walls of Polis will not catch on fire.”

 

“What are you afraid of?” Clarke dared to ask. Lexa stiffened a little. 

 

“Plenty of things,” she admitted finally. “I just don’t let it get in the way of protecting my people.” 

 

“Like what?” Clarke pressed further, intrigued. 

 

“The  _ pauna  _ are scary. And as were the Mountain Men,” Lexa elaborated. “And I’m scared of losing you.” 

 

Clarke turned around in Lexa’s arms. Of course she would be afraid of losing loved ones, after what she had been through with Costia, Anya and Gustus. She felt horrible that she hadn’t considered it. 

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to push you-” 

 

“Clarke, don’t worry. I’m not upset,” Lexa assured. 

 

“I’m scared of losing you too,” Clarke admitted. “We need to find whoever shot you.”

 

“I’ve been talking to some people who were there,” Lexa agreed. “No one seems to know who it was- or they don’t want to tell me.”

 

“Can we narrow it down to people who were closest to the shooter?” Clarke asked, feeling like she was grasping for straws.

 

“I already asked the guards, but it’s unlikely. It was so unexpected- everyone was watching Pike,” Lexa explained. “They’re canvassing everyone who was in attendance that day. In a week or so, we’ll be able to narrow it down to a couple of suspects.”

 

Clarke turned around once again, covering Lexa’s hands with her own. A week was a long time, and every day was a risk, but in the meantime, Clarke was just happy to be the little spoon for once. 

 

\---

 

Clarke was present when Lexa was informed of who shot her. Various witnesses confirmed it, but it still didn’t sound convincing. 

 

Understandably, Lexa was outraged when she heard of such betrayal. 

 

“Titus, is this true?” Lexa asked, her voice an eerie calm whisper. Clarke didn’t know what to do, she couldn’t put a reassuring hand on Lexa’s shoulder, and the right words wouldn’t come to her lips. The bald man hung his head in shame, restrained between two guards. “Explain yourself.”

 

“I wasn’t aiming at you,  _ Heda, _ ” he muttered, and suddenly, all eyes were on Clarke. Clarke’s stomach dropped and she felt a little sick. Lexa’s eyes were wild and furious, and she only looked at Clarke for a moment before turning back to Titus. 

 

“I cannot believe this,” Lexa said. “I have told you time and again that she isn’t an issue, and yet, you will not listen! You accuse the Skaikru of causing problems, and yet you continue to perpetuate the unease between our people! And furthermore, you reprimand me for my feelings getting in the way of my duty- and yet, your own prejudice against the Skaikru has gotten in the way of yours!”

 

She paused, and the room became so silent that a pin could be heard dropping on the floor. Feeling as though she was interrupting something private- Clarke motioned to make an exit. However, Lexa’s hand fisted in the sleeve of Clarke’s shirt, preventing her from leaving. Clarke moved back to her original position beside Lexa, and neither of them said anything about it. 

 

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Lexa asked, her voice becoming threateningly quiet once more. 

 

“What will become of me,  _ Heda?” _ he asked, still not looking her in the eye. 

 

“You will train a new  _ Fleimkappa  _ at once. When you have passed on your duties, you will be executed,” Lexa said matter-of-factly. 

 

“How could you side with Pike?” Clarke demanded, interjecting. The guards looked at her, alarmed by her outburst, but Lexa didn’t seem to mind. 

 

“I do not agree with his actions,” Titus admitted. “I worked with him for a different reason. He wanted you gone because with you out of the way, he could easily manipulate his people. I want you gone because Lexa cannot be impartial when making decisions that affect the Skaikru, at least as long as you’re alive.” 

 

“Enough!” Lexa roared. “Guards, get him out of my sight! Take him to the dungeon until I find him an apprentice.” 

 

“Lexa, you can’t give him an apprentice,” Clarke pointed out, enraging Titus. Before he could insist on carrying on tradition, she added, “he’ll instill his intolerances into anyone he trains.”

 

Lexa’s jaw worked. 

 

“ _ Heda,  _ the only other who knows of our traditions is you,” Titus pointed out in a defeated tone. “You must train them yourself.” 

  
“Very well. Then tonight, you will die,” Lexa declared solemnly. 


End file.
